Today I went to lunch at Golden Corral with Tammy and Kadyn. At the table next to us was this little old lady with a walker. She looked to be about 90 or so. She was with her son who musta been in his late 60's. And she was so mean to him!
When they first sat down, he offered to get her food for her. She bitchily said, "Why, I always have to do everything for myself." Then he said he had to go to bathroom and would be right back. While he was gone, she took her walker and got a plate. When she tried to fill it, she kept dropping everything off it onto the floor. Her son came back and took her plate. Nicely told her to go sit down and he'd bring her food. To which she replied, "Do I look like I'm helpless?" (yes, she did.)
All through the meal, she constantly complained and berated him. She didn't like the food he had brought (but she'd told him what she wanted), She didn't like the shirt he was wearing...She dreaded the drive home because he didn't know how to drive...on and on and on. I never heard her say one pleasant or nice word to him throughout their meal. I never saw her smile even once.
It was dreadful! I felt sorry for the poor son, and even sorrier for the old lady. Old age is hard enough without being bitter and unhappy. I think we have a choice there. We can choose to be bitter because we're old and unhealthy...or we can accept it and make the best of it. I would
much prefer to laugh than to cry. Oh, I'm not above feeling sorry for myself on occassion, but God help me if I ever treat anyone the way that lady treated her son!
DON'T LET THE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE THINGS YOU CAN DO. (my motto)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
GRANNY
Lately, my grandmother (Granny), Polly (Fitchpatrick) Shepherd has been much on my mind. Kinda strange, don't you think, since she's been gone January 9, 1973 ..thirty-seven years, yet it seems like just last week when she called me and asked me to come to Ypsilanti for Thanksgiving...her last one. That, in itself, was an oddity. Although, Granny'd had a telephone since about 1955, I bet I could count on one hand all the times she had initiated a phone call. She didn't even like to talk on it when I called her...giving short answers to my questions.."how are you doing, Granny?"... (I'm fine)..."What have you been doing, Granny?" ..(nothing).
That's how our conversations on the phone always went. Me asking, her giving short, terse answers. I'd end by saying, "I love you, Granny. See you soon." (Okay) and she'd hang up.
So, you can imagine my surprise when I answered the phone the Sunday evening before Thanksgiving, and it was Granny. Our conversation went something like this, "Hello"..Lorraine, is that you?...Granny!! yes, it's me. How are you?....I'm okay. Thursday is Thanksgiving.....yes, I know.....what are you doing for dinner.....going to Mom and Dad's....why don't you come up and have dinner with your old granny?.....and, in utter shock at both the phone call and the invitation...I calmly said...Granny, I'd love to!....then she said, come early so you can cook dinner. I'll put the turkey in the oven and peel the potatoes, but you'll have to do the rest.....No problem, Granny!...then, Okay, bye. ...and she hung up while I was saying, bye, Granny, love you.
All my life, Granny was a central part of it. She was mom's mother and as much a mother to me as Mom was. Granny plays a big part in nearly all my childhood memories. How I loved staying overnight with her and sleeping in her bed. The security and love I felt while I cuddled against her warm, familiar body was beyond compare. Granny never said she loved me. But, I always knew it. Nobody else's face ever lit up the way hers did when she'd see me. Whenever, as I grew up, my life seemed to be in a turmoil, all I had to do was go to see Granny. Just being with her...where I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt..that I was unconditionally loved, soothed my soul and gave me peace. Granny didn't like to hug or be hugged. But she would stoically accept my good-bye hug, maybe patting me on the back, for a couple of seconds before she'd pull away and say...always, even after I was grown.. "You be a good girl, child, y'hear?"
I remember Granny. Granny was always an old woman! She was 48 when I was born and my earliest memories of her...when I was four or five, she seemed really old! She always wore a house-dress with an apron over it. Except for a slip under the dress, Granny never owned underwear...no panties...no bra. On Sundays, she wore her "church clothes"...always a dark blue or black dress, black shoes and nylons....if someone (usually me) was there to help her put them on. She was a big woman and could not reach her feet...so if she wore socks or hose, somebody had to put them on her feet. On Sundays when she had no help, she'd go to church bare-legged.
I remember Granny. When I was learned to read, Granny bought me my first book. After that, whenever I went to stay with her, she'd have a new book for me. She bought me Little Women. Treasure Island. Several bible story books. My first bible (white). Once, when I was ten years old, Granny had moved to Garrett, Kentucky. We lived on Bull Creek. Back then, that (now) twenty minute trip took hours on narrow, curving roads...up and down and around hills. Anyways, Mom's cousin who lived in Garrett, stopped to see us. When he left, I was with him. He promised Mom that he'd bring me back in two weeks. I was so excited...I hadn't seen Granny in over a year and the anticipation had me all antsy. I was a shy child and had never met Cluett before...so I didn't talk, except to answer his questions, all the way there. But he told Granny I was the noisiest, quietest child he'd ever seen! I guess my excitement ...both at going to see Granny and my first trip in a car (actually a truck with pigs squealing in the back).
Anyway. Granny had moved to Garrett with Darvin, her youngest child who was six years older than me, because she had no income after Granddaddy died. Her sister's family was quite well-off and they provided Granny with a place to live. They owned a grocery store and a department store...and let Granny have, free,whatever she and Darvin needed.
Well. She had told Cluett not to bother coming back if he didn't bring me with him. (so, Cluett told me on the trip there.) And, she had "mentioned" to her sister, cousins, nieces, etc that I liked to read. Dozens of books, magazines, catalogs, and funny-books (comics) were stacked on her kitchen table when I walked in. I was in heaven! And I made my way through all of them before the two weeks were up! When Cluett came to pick me up to go home, he had to forcibly tear me away from Granny, who patted me on the back and whispered, you be a good girl, child, y'hear. And I mean, he picked me up and carried me to the truck. I was crying so hard I couldn't talk...or walk! And I cried nearly all the way home. Cluett finally got me to stop crying by telling me he would, himself, make sure Granny and Darvin came to spend Christmas with us! And he did. For two glorious weeks.
Our house was a small two room house...kitchen and one great big room, divided in half by blankets hung across the middle, to give Mom and Dad a semblance of privacy. The other half contained two beds. Pauline and I shared one, Sue and Jimmy the other one. With Granny there, she slept with me and Pauline. Darvin slept with Sue and Jimmy. In later years, Mom mentioned those two weeks and how crowded it was. Not to me! Cuddling against Granny's back at night, seeing her sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and talking to Mom when I got up was all I ever wanted in this world. When Granny helped me feed the chickens and slop the hogs, it wasn't a chore! And I talked to her. And she listened to me. You have no idea how great that was. Mom never had time or the inclination to listen to anything I had to say and only talked to me to tell me to do something, or about something I had done wrong. Not Granny. She, herself, never said much..a yes...a grunt...a hmmm...just enough to let me know she was listening and interested.
Darvin didn't stay around with us very much. Every morning he'd go with Daddy when Daddy went to work, taking the rowboat across the river. Darvin would spend the day with his friends,meeting Daddy at the river in time to come home. Many nights he stayed in town with friends or relatives. When he was there, I dragged him all over Bull Creek. I just had to show him my school, our church, where my friends lived. He told Granny I wore his ears out chattering all day! But even though he mostly wore a sneer on his sixteen year old face, he was a good sport about it.
Inevitably, the day came when Cluett showed up to take Granny and Darvin home. Once again, I was heart-broken, crying so hard I couldn't talk. When I hugged her, Granny patted my back and said, "you be a good girl, and God Willing, I'll see you this summer."
Little did she and I know, but the summer would see my whole family moving in with Granny when Cluett moved her to Estil.
From Granny I heard all the old cliches. "Granny, will I be pretty someday?" "Pretty is as pretty does." she'd say...or "beauty is only skin-deep"...or "Granny, maybe I'll marry a rich man when I grow up." her reply.."its easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to heaven." Granny taught me to embroider. "busy hands make no trouble." She taught me to sew..to repair a tear in my dress, .."a stitch in time, saves nine." Or when I complained about a slight from somebody, "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." When the kitchen was crowded with mom and my aunts cooking, and I'd ask Granny if she was helping..."too many cooks spoil the broth." When I say I wished something..."wishes are like pigs...they could fly if they had wings." (never made much sense to me). Ask her if she liked somebody, "makes no difference if I do or don't, God does." Others....stop squirming like a worm.....Eat with your mouth closed, the food looks better on your plate." "If you can't say something good about somebody, don't say anything." "Stop fighting with your sister, she'll be your best friend someday." In church, "shhhh stop fidgeting, God's watching." There were many many more. I think Granny taught me everything I didn't learn in school.
An early memory still makes me laugh. As I mentioned before, Granny didn't wear underwear. At bedtime every night, she'd say, "come on, child, let's go make a little water." We'd go outside, behind the house. I'd pull down my panties and squat. Granny would just spread her legs. How I wanted to be able to do that...go pee standing up. So, one night, anticipating, I snuck and pulled off my panties. When we went outside, Granny spread her legs. Imitating her, I spread mine. Instead of going straight down, like Granny's...my pee shot out to the front, soaking my dress!
Expecting a scolding, I peeked sideways at Granny...and she was laughing! We went back inside, she got me a clean dress to sleep in, and, still laughing, told Granddaddy what I did. In bed, snuggled between Granny and Granddaddy, he hugged me close and whispered, "you gotta grow some to fit your Granny's pants." "But Granddaddy, she don't wear none," I whispered back. Well, both he and Granny were laughing so hard the bed shook! I never did learn to pee straight down like Granny did.
The last time I talked to Granny was the day her son, Uncle Calvin was buried. Granny had been in the hospital a week and was unable to go the funeral. Before going home, I stopped at the hospital to see her.
She told me about this dream she had....insisting she was wide awake. But in the "dream vision" she was standing at the bottom of a green hill. She said it was the brightest, clearest sunlit day she'd ever seen. At the top of the hill stood a crowd of people. She could make out just a few of them, including her children who had died. But half-way up the hill was Uncle Calvin. He stopped, turned around, looked down at her, and held out his hand.
I had to leave the room before I broke down completely. I went out into the hall and cried in Steve's arms. When I was composed, I went back into the room. "Sorry, Granny, I had to use the bathroom." Well, she didn't believe me for a second! "Now, Lorraine, don't you be crying and carrying on over your old Granny. When I leave here, I'm going to a better place." "But I don't want you to go," I said. "I know you don't, but we all have to go sooner or later." I leaned over the bed, laid my head on her chest and said, "don't leave me, Granny."...bawling as hard as I ever have in my whole life. She patted my back and said, "God won't take me until my job here is done. Now your job is to take care of your family and raise them kids the way God wants them raised."
I said good-bye to my Granny that day. I knew when I left her, that her job here on earth was done. Oh, I saw her a couple of times after that, when she was in ICU...but couldn't talk to me. When she died just 3 weeks after uncle Calvin, through my sorrow I smiled, seeing her rushing up that hill to take Calvin's hand, and the two of them running up the rest of the way to be greeted by Granddaddy and Uncle Wilse and her two children who had died too young.
It won't be long before I'll be climbing that hill, myself, but at the top at the front of the crowd, I know Granny will be there to welcome me with a pat on the back, and saying "you were a good girl. Welcome home, child!"
That's how our conversations on the phone always went. Me asking, her giving short, terse answers. I'd end by saying, "I love you, Granny. See you soon." (Okay) and she'd hang up.
So, you can imagine my surprise when I answered the phone the Sunday evening before Thanksgiving, and it was Granny. Our conversation went something like this, "Hello"..Lorraine, is that you?...Granny!! yes, it's me. How are you?....I'm okay. Thursday is Thanksgiving.....yes, I know.....what are you doing for dinner.....going to Mom and Dad's....why don't you come up and have dinner with your old granny?.....and, in utter shock at both the phone call and the invitation...I calmly said...Granny, I'd love to!....then she said, come early so you can cook dinner. I'll put the turkey in the oven and peel the potatoes, but you'll have to do the rest.....No problem, Granny!...then, Okay, bye. ...and she hung up while I was saying, bye, Granny, love you.
All my life, Granny was a central part of it. She was mom's mother and as much a mother to me as Mom was. Granny plays a big part in nearly all my childhood memories. How I loved staying overnight with her and sleeping in her bed. The security and love I felt while I cuddled against her warm, familiar body was beyond compare. Granny never said she loved me. But, I always knew it. Nobody else's face ever lit up the way hers did when she'd see me. Whenever, as I grew up, my life seemed to be in a turmoil, all I had to do was go to see Granny. Just being with her...where I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt..that I was unconditionally loved, soothed my soul and gave me peace. Granny didn't like to hug or be hugged. But she would stoically accept my good-bye hug, maybe patting me on the back, for a couple of seconds before she'd pull away and say...always, even after I was grown.. "You be a good girl, child, y'hear?"
I remember Granny. Granny was always an old woman! She was 48 when I was born and my earliest memories of her...when I was four or five, she seemed really old! She always wore a house-dress with an apron over it. Except for a slip under the dress, Granny never owned underwear...no panties...no bra. On Sundays, she wore her "church clothes"...always a dark blue or black dress, black shoes and nylons....if someone (usually me) was there to help her put them on. She was a big woman and could not reach her feet...so if she wore socks or hose, somebody had to put them on her feet. On Sundays when she had no help, she'd go to church bare-legged.
I remember Granny. When I was learned to read, Granny bought me my first book. After that, whenever I went to stay with her, she'd have a new book for me. She bought me Little Women. Treasure Island. Several bible story books. My first bible (white). Once, when I was ten years old, Granny had moved to Garrett, Kentucky. We lived on Bull Creek. Back then, that (now) twenty minute trip took hours on narrow, curving roads...up and down and around hills. Anyways, Mom's cousin who lived in Garrett, stopped to see us. When he left, I was with him. He promised Mom that he'd bring me back in two weeks. I was so excited...I hadn't seen Granny in over a year and the anticipation had me all antsy. I was a shy child and had never met Cluett before...so I didn't talk, except to answer his questions, all the way there. But he told Granny I was the noisiest, quietest child he'd ever seen! I guess my excitement ...both at going to see Granny and my first trip in a car (actually a truck with pigs squealing in the back).
Anyway. Granny had moved to Garrett with Darvin, her youngest child who was six years older than me, because she had no income after Granddaddy died. Her sister's family was quite well-off and they provided Granny with a place to live. They owned a grocery store and a department store...and let Granny have, free,whatever she and Darvin needed.
Well. She had told Cluett not to bother coming back if he didn't bring me with him. (so, Cluett told me on the trip there.) And, she had "mentioned" to her sister, cousins, nieces, etc that I liked to read. Dozens of books, magazines, catalogs, and funny-books (comics) were stacked on her kitchen table when I walked in. I was in heaven! And I made my way through all of them before the two weeks were up! When Cluett came to pick me up to go home, he had to forcibly tear me away from Granny, who patted me on the back and whispered, you be a good girl, child, y'hear. And I mean, he picked me up and carried me to the truck. I was crying so hard I couldn't talk...or walk! And I cried nearly all the way home. Cluett finally got me to stop crying by telling me he would, himself, make sure Granny and Darvin came to spend Christmas with us! And he did. For two glorious weeks.
Our house was a small two room house...kitchen and one great big room, divided in half by blankets hung across the middle, to give Mom and Dad a semblance of privacy. The other half contained two beds. Pauline and I shared one, Sue and Jimmy the other one. With Granny there, she slept with me and Pauline. Darvin slept with Sue and Jimmy. In later years, Mom mentioned those two weeks and how crowded it was. Not to me! Cuddling against Granny's back at night, seeing her sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and talking to Mom when I got up was all I ever wanted in this world. When Granny helped me feed the chickens and slop the hogs, it wasn't a chore! And I talked to her. And she listened to me. You have no idea how great that was. Mom never had time or the inclination to listen to anything I had to say and only talked to me to tell me to do something, or about something I had done wrong. Not Granny. She, herself, never said much..a yes...a grunt...a hmmm...just enough to let me know she was listening and interested.
Darvin didn't stay around with us very much. Every morning he'd go with Daddy when Daddy went to work, taking the rowboat across the river. Darvin would spend the day with his friends,meeting Daddy at the river in time to come home. Many nights he stayed in town with friends or relatives. When he was there, I dragged him all over Bull Creek. I just had to show him my school, our church, where my friends lived. He told Granny I wore his ears out chattering all day! But even though he mostly wore a sneer on his sixteen year old face, he was a good sport about it.
Inevitably, the day came when Cluett showed up to take Granny and Darvin home. Once again, I was heart-broken, crying so hard I couldn't talk. When I hugged her, Granny patted my back and said, "you be a good girl, and God Willing, I'll see you this summer."
Little did she and I know, but the summer would see my whole family moving in with Granny when Cluett moved her to Estil.
From Granny I heard all the old cliches. "Granny, will I be pretty someday?" "Pretty is as pretty does." she'd say...or "beauty is only skin-deep"...or "Granny, maybe I'll marry a rich man when I grow up." her reply.."its easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to heaven." Granny taught me to embroider. "busy hands make no trouble." She taught me to sew..to repair a tear in my dress, .."a stitch in time, saves nine." Or when I complained about a slight from somebody, "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." When the kitchen was crowded with mom and my aunts cooking, and I'd ask Granny if she was helping..."too many cooks spoil the broth." When I say I wished something..."wishes are like pigs...they could fly if they had wings." (never made much sense to me). Ask her if she liked somebody, "makes no difference if I do or don't, God does." Others....stop squirming like a worm.....Eat with your mouth closed, the food looks better on your plate." "If you can't say something good about somebody, don't say anything." "Stop fighting with your sister, she'll be your best friend someday." In church, "shhhh stop fidgeting, God's watching." There were many many more. I think Granny taught me everything I didn't learn in school.
An early memory still makes me laugh. As I mentioned before, Granny didn't wear underwear. At bedtime every night, she'd say, "come on, child, let's go make a little water." We'd go outside, behind the house. I'd pull down my panties and squat. Granny would just spread her legs. How I wanted to be able to do that...go pee standing up. So, one night, anticipating, I snuck and pulled off my panties. When we went outside, Granny spread her legs. Imitating her, I spread mine. Instead of going straight down, like Granny's...my pee shot out to the front, soaking my dress!
Expecting a scolding, I peeked sideways at Granny...and she was laughing! We went back inside, she got me a clean dress to sleep in, and, still laughing, told Granddaddy what I did. In bed, snuggled between Granny and Granddaddy, he hugged me close and whispered, "you gotta grow some to fit your Granny's pants." "But Granddaddy, she don't wear none," I whispered back. Well, both he and Granny were laughing so hard the bed shook! I never did learn to pee straight down like Granny did.
The last time I talked to Granny was the day her son, Uncle Calvin was buried. Granny had been in the hospital a week and was unable to go the funeral. Before going home, I stopped at the hospital to see her.
She told me about this dream she had....insisting she was wide awake. But in the "dream vision" she was standing at the bottom of a green hill. She said it was the brightest, clearest sunlit day she'd ever seen. At the top of the hill stood a crowd of people. She could make out just a few of them, including her children who had died. But half-way up the hill was Uncle Calvin. He stopped, turned around, looked down at her, and held out his hand.
I had to leave the room before I broke down completely. I went out into the hall and cried in Steve's arms. When I was composed, I went back into the room. "Sorry, Granny, I had to use the bathroom." Well, she didn't believe me for a second! "Now, Lorraine, don't you be crying and carrying on over your old Granny. When I leave here, I'm going to a better place." "But I don't want you to go," I said. "I know you don't, but we all have to go sooner or later." I leaned over the bed, laid my head on her chest and said, "don't leave me, Granny."...bawling as hard as I ever have in my whole life. She patted my back and said, "God won't take me until my job here is done. Now your job is to take care of your family and raise them kids the way God wants them raised."
I said good-bye to my Granny that day. I knew when I left her, that her job here on earth was done. Oh, I saw her a couple of times after that, when she was in ICU...but couldn't talk to me. When she died just 3 weeks after uncle Calvin, through my sorrow I smiled, seeing her rushing up that hill to take Calvin's hand, and the two of them running up the rest of the way to be greeted by Granddaddy and Uncle Wilse and her two children who had died too young.
It won't be long before I'll be climbing that hill, myself, but at the top at the front of the crowd, I know Granny will be there to welcome me with a pat on the back, and saying "you were a good girl. Welcome home, child!"
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