LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 47

When you're raising kids, you don't realize how fast time goes. One day you're bringing home a lttle bundle of joy, then she starts school and you wonder where the years went. Then you turn around and she's a teenager with all the natural angst that comes with it. Next thing you know you're watching her walk down the church aisle in a long white dress. And you think "how did this happen...she was just started school last year, it seems."

I enjoyed raising teenagers. Those transient years between childhood and adulthood are difficult years...both on the kids and their parents. The kids are so eager to grow up and experience life they constantly push the limits. As parents, our job is to set the limits and hold tight ..yet be able and willing to stretch them as our teens mature. Its a hard road to walk for parents..between allowing more freedom than they're mature enough to handle...and being too strict and not allowing them to experience the things that will help them mature.

Tammy and Buddy's teenage years were not easy years. Tammy, especially, pushed the limits constantly. She was one of those kids who are in a hurry to grow up. There was never a curfew she didn't break. Subsequently, she was grounded a lot. She'd be grounded for a week..or two..then a week or sometimes a month later, she'd either come home late or not be where she was supposed to be. And she was grounded again.

During the grounding periods, we got along great. After the first couple of days when she got over sulking about being grounded, her natural sweet, bubby nature would come out and she was a joy to have around. She was always dependable and responsible where taking care of Joey was concerned. In the summers I never had to worry about getting a baby-sitter. Tammy was as good as they come. Some of my sweetest memories are going shopping on Saturdays after our weekly cleaning was done. Just me and Tammy and often, Lori. We'd spend hours at Targets and K-mart in South Bend...and maybe not buy a thing.

Buddy was easier to raise. He obeyed the rules. If his curfew was ten, he was home at ten til ten. And he was fun to be around, always joking and kidding. Where Tammy went through sullen, angry periods, Buddy never did. Oh, he wasn't perfect. He got his share of grounding. I remember once when he was grounded, his friend Mike came over and wanted Buddy to go camping out in the woods over night. I said no. Buddy and Mike went into the kitchen for a few minutes. I was sitting in a chair in the corner of the living room. They came into the living room and Mike said, "Go ahead, Buddy. When nothing else works, suck her big toe." I was laughing so hard I was crying. And as they went out the door, Mike said, "See, I told you. The big toe works every time."

Steve and I were often at odds over how to raise the kids. He believed we should let them go...wherever, whenever they wanted. I would tell him, that was the easy way out..a parent's cop-out. Sure, life would have been easier and happier if the kids were always happy..when they were home...but as parents, we have the responsibility to hold them back from doing things they aren't ready for. Naturally, our differing philosophies didn't help our marriage any.

Steve enjoyed the Saturday nights when they were all home as much as I did. We've had some all night marathon games of Monoply. Buddy and Steve were mad competitors, buying up all the land and hotels while the rest of us just managed to hold on. I've often suspected that Lori deliberately lost first ...out of boredom...when the game was obviously between Steve and Buddy.

Same thing with table tennis. One summer we kept our cars in the driveway because we had a table tennis in the garage. Every day after work, Steve and the kids played table tennis while I cooked supper. And every night from the living room I could hear the smacking of the balls and the giggling and competive banter of the kids...and often, Steve...until I had to break it up so I could get some sleep. On work days, five am came early! I seldom got to bed before 11...if one of the kids was out, I couldn't go to bed until he/she was home.

During the periods when I thought I was going crazy...worrying over Tammy when she was out and fighting with Steve over everything...the kids...spending money we didnt have...Joey was my salvation!

God never made a happier, more loving child. He never had to be told something twice. When he got scolded over something, he just never did that something again. No matter how tired I was when I got home from work, his sunny smile and loving hugs made me forget about the tiring day at work.

And Lori. How I looked forward to her weekends! Although not an affectionate child, she had such a calming effect on all of us. Her sweet smile could lift your heart! And we all knew she was just as glad to be with us as we were to have her. Tammy, Buddy and Joey accepted her as their sister and could only have been happier with her, if she could have lived with us all the time. There were times I felt sorry for her. She worshipped her dad..and suddenly she had to share him not only with a new stepmom but three other kids. It couldn't have been easy on her. At the same time, she had a new stepfather and baby brother at home, plus Wayne's kids from his first marriage. From an only child, she was suddenly surrounded with step brothers and sisters, having to share both her parents with their new families. Besides every other weekend...from Friday night to Sunday night, Lori was with us for month during the summers, a week at Christmas and a week at spring break. One of the happiest moments of my life was when, after we had moved intothe new house, I heard her screaming at Buddy, who was pestering her. That was the moment I realized she had actually become one of the family and not a guest. And even, while I was telling Buddy to leave her alone...inside, I'm saying, "Way to go, Buddy!" From then on, there was no question about her feeling she belonged. She gave as good as she got!