SELF-PITY

Normally, I have a pretty upbeat attitude about growing old and all my major and minor medical problems. But, last night, I gave in to self-pity and wallowed there for awhile. It wasn't a major crisis that brought it on. That's why it took me completely by surprise.

My youngest son called and said they would be in Bourbon and were going to a basketball game there Friday night to see my nephew play for Tippecanoe High School against Triton High School, where my son used to teach and coach basketball. He asked if we'd like to join them. Now, I would like nothing better than to see my son and his family..and I love basketball. But, due to my declining health, I had to say no. Number one, I can not drive that far, especially at night. I have a medical condition where my muscles cramp up...legs, feet, toes, chest...neck...when stretched or twisted (as in turning to check for traffic). Second, my night vision is not what it used to be. And, walking...forget it! I'm lucky to walk from the car into the house and even then I'm in terrible pain and short of breath. My brother-in-law has only one eye..and its not real good...so him driving is out. My daughter has to babysit her three year old grandson, so she can't go.

When I got off the phone, I was all choked up..lump in my throat, tears flowing. And it wouldn't stop. I went to my bedroom and gave myself permission to have a good cry...which I proceeded to do. When I decided I'd had enough wallowing...after a half hour or so, I got up and tried to play on the computer...but my eyes continued to leak and I couldn't see the screen nor concentrate on what I was looking at. Despite all my efforts, the self-pity had taken over.

After two hours...loong pitiful me hours, I knew it was time to let go and let God. Since my favorite praying position...on my knees by my bed...is no longer an option, I curled up on the bed and told God I needed His help. I told him I know He has given me these afflictions for some reason known only to Him and most of the time I can accept it..that He knows what's best for me. I prayed for better acceptance. I asked Him to rid me of this miserable self-pity. And you know what? Suddenly, I realized my mind was calm. My tears had stopped. I ended my praying with all the praises of thanks I could think of...and at the end threw in "God, you have answered my prayer almost before the words were out of my mouth..now, if it's all the same to you, how about throwing in some healing, too? Then, even though I know God knows my body even better than I do, I listed all my ills, aches and pains.

Well...I don't feel any healing of my afflictions, which only means God still is not through with me. But, Praise The Lord, He did take away the paralyzing self-pity almost before I asked Him.