I have been dreading writing about this next period in the lives of my children and me. It was very difficult for all of us and just thinking about writing it has brought back so many painful memories that I just can't even try to write them down....for the sake of my own mental health. Instead I will write the basic facts as we lived them.
As that summer of 1970 drew to a close, Joe was still unemployed. He had turned down two or three jobs at junior highs and a freshman basketball coach. Now he reconsidered...but it was too late. All the jobs had been filled.
Labor Day weekend my parents and siblings came up for the weekend. We went to the Michigan State Fair and had a wonderful time. Mom and Dad again slept in our room...and Joe and I again slept in the little bed in the den. The next morning Joe mentioned that he had not taken his epilepsy medicine the night before because when he remembered it, he didn't want to disturb Mom and Dad.
Later that morning Mom and Dad left to spend the day at Aunt Susie's before going back to Indiana that evening. Since we planned to follow them, Tammy rode up with them. I was just getting stuff around for the baby when Joe had a seizure. This was the first one I'd ever seen and it scared me to death. It wasn't a pretty thing. Buddy and Joey were in the living room with us and I told Buddy to take Joey out to the porch. I didn't want Buddy scared. too. Luckily, he hadn't seen Joe fall, so didnt' know what was going on.
Joe fell to the floor, convulsing hard enough to shake the house. I remembered what the doctor had told me when I consulted him about whether or not to have a baby. He said to make sure there was nothing he could hit or break and hurt himself...and walk away until it was over. Well, I couldn't walk away. I grabbed a cushion off the couch and forced it under Joe's head because his head was hitting the floor hard. And sat beside him until it was over, about three minutes...which as I later learned, was a long one. After the seizure, Joe went to sleep and I had been warned that he would sleep several hours after one. I didn't know what to do. Tammy had gone with Mom and Dad and I had to go get her. So I called Georgie and Uncle George and told them what was going on. They came right over and said they'd stay there while I went to Ypsilanti...and not to worry or hurry back, that Joe wouldn't even know I was gone for five or six hours. I left...and was back in five hours. Joe was awake and mad as heck at me for leaving him!
The next day I called his neurologist and got an appointment for the next day. During his talking to Joe it came out that Joe had not missed just the one dose of medication...but had been taking it irregularly for a month. Sure enough, when I counted his pill, he had missed six doses that month. Now I was the one who was mad as heck. And from then on, I give the pills to him myself.
As it happened, teachers at Detroit schools went out on strike that year and school didn't start until near the end of September. Detroit offered...and Joe accepted...a job teaching history at a middle school. A job he hated. He worked two weeks and one morning wouldn't get up to go to work. I called in sick for him...every day until both his sick days and personal days were used up, at which time the school let him go.
Money became a big issue. Our savings were going down faster than I could add to it. I had to take more floor time at the office...leaving Joey with Loretta...and more evening appointments...leaving Tammy in charge. The more I worked, the more Joe was angry. I knew he was resentful that I was having to work so much. Still, he refused to get out of bed. We had to carry all his meals to him. When I left the house, I made sure his pills were counted out and put beside the bed with a glass of water. Then he had another seizure and a few days later, another one. Soon, it was several a week. I didn't know how or why, but he only had the seizures when I was home...for which I was thankful. I don't know how Tammy would have handled seeing it.
I took Joe to both our family doctor and his neurologist. The family doctor gave him a clean bill of health. The neurologist changed his medication. Still the seizures continued.
The first of December, Joe began talking about going to California to visit our Kumas. After several ...expensive...long distance calls to them, he decided to go for two weeks. I took him to the airport and kissed him goodbye....praying the vacation would help him. I talked to him everyday and to Kuma Lillian who assured me Joe was doing fine and had not had a seizure since he got there.
The day before he was due to fly home, he called...collect...and said he was staying for another week...then it was another week. The kids and I went to Indiana for Christmas...a sad one for us without Joe. Then it was New Year's ...and again, Joe had decided to stay longer. Except now, he was saying he was never coming back. Several days, several angry phone calls and a few buckets of tears...I agreed to join him...if he had a job first.
A few days later he said he had a job with an office cleaning company. Subsequently, I put our house up for sale. Then I had an indoors garage sale...selling all our furniture, keeping only essential items...kitchenware, dishes, linens, and our clothes. I cried over every piece of furniture that walked out the door.
The first of February, Joe flew home to help me drive across country. We had a station wagon and a Volkswagen. We crammed the Volks as full as it would go. We rented a car-topper for the top of the staton wagon and stuffed it full. The back of the station wagon was also loaded down.
When we were ready to leave, after tearful goodbyes to my brother and uncle, Joe's brother and uncle, with everybody in the station wagon, I told them I needed to check on something. Leaving them all in the car...I went back inside to say a final farewell to the first home I had ever owned and loved as I would never love another house.
Joe sent Tammy to get me..and she found me on the floor of my lovingly refurbished bathroom, sobbing my heart out....and joined me. A few minutes later, Buddy came looking for us...and he too was soon on the floor with us...all three of us sitting there with our arms around each other, me hugging them both to me....crying as hard as we could...and the next thing I knew, Jimmy was there crying with us. He had decided to drive by, thinking we had gone.
The trip was long and uneventful, except for me crying most of that first day.
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