NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

Now that we are well into the new year, I can write about why I, long ago, resolved never to make New Years Resolutions. For one thing, I never carried them out. I had this need, I guess it was, to go for the toughies. Oh no, my resolutions were not to stop smoking or to lose weight. Each year I would resolve to stop losing my temper...to stop worrying about whether someone liked me or not...to stop feeling intimidated or inferior, to laugh more, worry less.

Needless to say, at least one...sometimes all of them...were broken before the end of January. One year, to that list, I added the resolution to read the entire bible again. I say "again" because I had read it through at least twice by the time I was out of high school. I made a plan...to read a chapter every day. I didn't follow that plan, though, often reading several chapters at a sitting. And, by the end of May, I had completed the task. And, was I proud! I told everybody who would listen. I had finally carried out a New Year's Resolution.

The hard ones kept eluding me. The temper was, I thought, the easiest one. But...I forgot to add pouting to the list. So, instead of flaring up and speaking my mind, I became a world-class pouter. The only thing I can say in my defense is...if whoever I was mad at left me alone for awhile...and let me pout...I soon got over it. It has never been part of my make-up to stay mad for very long or to carry a grudge. Once I was over it, it was as ...and is...as if it never happened. I have never been able to understand those people who can keep a grudge...and a mad...going for months, even years.

And, I've never been able to not care if someone likes me or not. Even if it's someone I don't like...go figure! As for feeling inferior or easily intimidated, that's so ingrained into my character, I doubt even a psychiatrist could help me change. It probably stems from growing up poor and Mom's constant warning "don't act like white trash." Consequently, I always felt I was white trash and had to fool people into thinking I wasn't.

As for laughing more, I have always tried to find the humor in any situation. Worrying? I'm a first-class worrier! I could probably give lessons.

If my child was out past curfew, my fingers actually itched to start calling hospitals to find out where he/she was after the horrible accident I could imagine he/she had been in. One night when my daughter was over an hour late, I actually did call the hospitals in Bremen, Mishawaka and South Bend, as well as the police departments.

When my son played football, I had to be at every game. When he got hurt, I had to be there to ride in the ambulance to the hospital! Then of course, the only time he did get hurt and have to go to the hospital, I had to follow the ambulance. And I won't even talk about when both boys went away to college! Its a good thing that we, as human beings, are adaptive. After the first couple of months I did relax and stop waking up in the middle of the night imagining them hurt and bleeding.

From my now lofty age of Seventy, I have learned a few things. Number one, is..we raise our children the best we know how and pray it was good enough. We have to let them go. One of the most memorable sermons Pastor Bob Hueni ever preached, to me, was about how our children belonged to God..we were just caretakers. God had entrusted them to us to raise, train, and guide into adulthood. They were not our possessions. We even had an emotional service where we gave our children over to God..or back to Him, while promising to raise them the way He wanted. Joey was four years old at the time and has belonged to God ever since. I didn't make the same emotional hand-over with Tammy and Buddy. At the time they were teen-agers and had, themselves, given their lives to God.

Another thing I have learned is, to remember yesterday, plan for tomorrow, but to live for today. This is harder than it sounds. To remember yesterday means to not forget the lessons we've learned. To plan for tomorrow means taking care of our families, our homes, cities, states, country. Living for today is the hardest. While living for today, you can't forget yesterday and tomorrow. But you must let the people closest to you know how you feel. A hug, a touch, a loving glance, a wicked wink, ...and a smile across the room...all let that special person...a child, a spouse, a sibling, a parent...know that you love them. Oh, don't forget the words, they're important too...but its the silent actions that warm our hearts. Live for today by being courteous and respectful to other people...more than just a polite Thank you and You're welcome. Say a few words to lift the spirits of the harried sales clerk. Tell the frazzled mother of a toddler what a lovely child she has. Pay the check for the elderly couple in McDonalds counting their pennies. I'm convinced that kindness and consideration are contagious. If you show kindness to someone unexpectedly, more than half of them will pass it on.

I remember once, years ago, in the grocery store I didn't have enough money to pay for all the groceries in my cart. And the utter embarrassment I felt at having to pick through the items deciding what to keep and what to put back. A lady behind me told the clerk to bag all of it and she would pay the difference. I might add that I had no extraneous items. Milk, bread, balogna, hambuger, hotdogs, and a few cans of vegetables. Anything I didn't keep would mean less for me and my two kids to eat that week. So, even while embarrassed and overwhelmed at the generosity, I was extremely grateful. Over the years since then, I have several times, found myself in the shoes of that kind lady..and have followed her example. Just as I'm sure some of the people who I have helped out, have...and will...help others in the same circumstances.

Living for Today. Passing it on. Praising God.