SEVENTY

Joey's post made me think...can Icome up with 70 things I'm thankful for. I bet I can. Here goes.

In no specific order except the first one. l. I'm thankful that Jesus loved me enough to give his life for me. 2. My husband Joe. 3. Tammy. 4. Buddy. 5. Joey. 6. Lori and her kids. 7..Billy 8..Teri Lorraine 9...Sarah Jo. 10...Tori. 10..Amy. 12..Danny. 13...Aaron. 14...Annie. 15...Andrew....16...LeAnn and Tia (tied)...17...Erica. 18..Anthony....19...Layni. 20...Abby 21...Jonah 22...Kadyn 23...Grant.

ok...those were the easy ones.

24 ...Jim and Loretta 25....Pauline and Ron 26 ...Frank and Linda 27....Mary Sue and Leo
28...Margaret and Bari 29...Dodie and Mike

I could have lumped them all under family...but that would have only been one!

now they get even harder.

30...I'm thankful for being born an American.
31. I'm thankful for my Kentucky childhood.

that's why I thank God for:

32. in-house plumbing
33. hot water
34. electricity
35. gas furnaces
36. Wal-Mart
37. K-Mart
38. My car...1995 Buick, even tho it's on its last legs.
38. chicken and dumplings
40. Any and all chocolates
41. Fresh tomatoes
42. Corn on the cob
43. Carpeted floors
44 Microwave ovens.
45. Refrigerators and freezers.
46. Air conditioning
47. Electric carts at walmarts and Meijers and K-mart
48. newspaper crossword puzzles
49 Books.. This probably should have been right up at number 2...lol
50. My computer...again...this should have been near the top.
51. Facebook

This is harder than I figured it would be.

52. Television
53. Radios
54 Elvis Preslely
55 Amusement parks..what would family vacations have been without them.
56. Social Security
57. Friends..through the years and over the miles.
58. Meredith Reed...for Tammy and Buddy
59. Steve Bennett...whom I could not imagine never being in my life.
60. Being a teen-ager in the 1950's
61....and on that same theme...not having to wear girdles, garter belts or sanitary belts...thanks to the 60's!
62. Crocheting
63. Living in an area that enjoys four distinct seasons.
64. Christmas
65. a duplicate here...I thank God every day for Kadyn James Oliver.
66. That Tammy finally got disability social security and health insurance.
67. That Buddy's family will be moving back closer next summer!
68. That I have gotten to know Tara...Pauline's granddaughter.
69. that my grandchildren and great grandchildren are happy and healthy.

AND THE NUMBER ONE...OR 70...

THAT I HAVE BEEN BLESSED ENOUGH TO LIVE 70 YEARS! PRAISE GOD!

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 47

For those of you who are following this series, I apologize. I've reached a vital deadlock. Not that I can't think of what to write...just can't write what I think of. Like all kids, my kids did things that might embarrass them today for their families and friends to hear. Likewise, the break up of my marriage to the man I honestly wanted to grow old with. Because of my love for him, I have no desire to hurt or embarrass him in the eyes of those who love him.

Although I'm ending this series abruptly...keep tuned. I still have lots of things to write about! I even will write some cutsey stories about my kids as stand-alone blogs.

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 47

When you're raising kids, you don't realize how fast time goes. One day you're bringing home a lttle bundle of joy, then she starts school and you wonder where the years went. Then you turn around and she's a teenager with all the natural angst that comes with it. Next thing you know you're watching her walk down the church aisle in a long white dress. And you think "how did this happen...she was just started school last year, it seems."

I enjoyed raising teenagers. Those transient years between childhood and adulthood are difficult years...both on the kids and their parents. The kids are so eager to grow up and experience life they constantly push the limits. As parents, our job is to set the limits and hold tight ..yet be able and willing to stretch them as our teens mature. Its a hard road to walk for parents..between allowing more freedom than they're mature enough to handle...and being too strict and not allowing them to experience the things that will help them mature.

Tammy and Buddy's teenage years were not easy years. Tammy, especially, pushed the limits constantly. She was one of those kids who are in a hurry to grow up. There was never a curfew she didn't break. Subsequently, she was grounded a lot. She'd be grounded for a week..or two..then a week or sometimes a month later, she'd either come home late or not be where she was supposed to be. And she was grounded again.

During the grounding periods, we got along great. After the first couple of days when she got over sulking about being grounded, her natural sweet, bubby nature would come out and she was a joy to have around. She was always dependable and responsible where taking care of Joey was concerned. In the summers I never had to worry about getting a baby-sitter. Tammy was as good as they come. Some of my sweetest memories are going shopping on Saturdays after our weekly cleaning was done. Just me and Tammy and often, Lori. We'd spend hours at Targets and K-mart in South Bend...and maybe not buy a thing.

Buddy was easier to raise. He obeyed the rules. If his curfew was ten, he was home at ten til ten. And he was fun to be around, always joking and kidding. Where Tammy went through sullen, angry periods, Buddy never did. Oh, he wasn't perfect. He got his share of grounding. I remember once when he was grounded, his friend Mike came over and wanted Buddy to go camping out in the woods over night. I said no. Buddy and Mike went into the kitchen for a few minutes. I was sitting in a chair in the corner of the living room. They came into the living room and Mike said, "Go ahead, Buddy. When nothing else works, suck her big toe." I was laughing so hard I was crying. And as they went out the door, Mike said, "See, I told you. The big toe works every time."

Steve and I were often at odds over how to raise the kids. He believed we should let them go...wherever, whenever they wanted. I would tell him, that was the easy way out..a parent's cop-out. Sure, life would have been easier and happier if the kids were always happy..when they were home...but as parents, we have the responsibility to hold them back from doing things they aren't ready for. Naturally, our differing philosophies didn't help our marriage any.

Steve enjoyed the Saturday nights when they were all home as much as I did. We've had some all night marathon games of Monoply. Buddy and Steve were mad competitors, buying up all the land and hotels while the rest of us just managed to hold on. I've often suspected that Lori deliberately lost first ...out of boredom...when the game was obviously between Steve and Buddy.

Same thing with table tennis. One summer we kept our cars in the driveway because we had a table tennis in the garage. Every day after work, Steve and the kids played table tennis while I cooked supper. And every night from the living room I could hear the smacking of the balls and the giggling and competive banter of the kids...and often, Steve...until I had to break it up so I could get some sleep. On work days, five am came early! I seldom got to bed before 11...if one of the kids was out, I couldn't go to bed until he/she was home.

During the periods when I thought I was going crazy...worrying over Tammy when she was out and fighting with Steve over everything...the kids...spending money we didnt have...Joey was my salvation!

God never made a happier, more loving child. He never had to be told something twice. When he got scolded over something, he just never did that something again. No matter how tired I was when I got home from work, his sunny smile and loving hugs made me forget about the tiring day at work.

And Lori. How I looked forward to her weekends! Although not an affectionate child, she had such a calming effect on all of us. Her sweet smile could lift your heart! And we all knew she was just as glad to be with us as we were to have her. Tammy, Buddy and Joey accepted her as their sister and could only have been happier with her, if she could have lived with us all the time. There were times I felt sorry for her. She worshipped her dad..and suddenly she had to share him not only with a new stepmom but three other kids. It couldn't have been easy on her. At the same time, she had a new stepfather and baby brother at home, plus Wayne's kids from his first marriage. From an only child, she was suddenly surrounded with step brothers and sisters, having to share both her parents with their new families. Besides every other weekend...from Friday night to Sunday night, Lori was with us for month during the summers, a week at Christmas and a week at spring break. One of the happiest moments of my life was when, after we had moved intothe new house, I heard her screaming at Buddy, who was pestering her. That was the moment I realized she had actually become one of the family and not a guest. And even, while I was telling Buddy to leave her alone...inside, I'm saying, "Way to go, Buddy!" From then on, there was no question about her feeling she belonged. She gave as good as she got!

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 46

While waiting for...and watching...our house being built, Steve, the kids and I were learning to live together. One more person made the apartment, which seemed roomy when we first moved it, now felt smaller and crowded...especially on Lori's weekends. It helped that Steve and I worked different shifts. When we met, we both worked days...then when we got married, Holiday Rambler made us take different shifts...they wouldn't allow husband and wife to work together at the same plant. Later, when they dropped the afternoon shift, I got transferred to a different plant.

Life was good, again!

Every day we drove out to check the progress on our house. We watched the basement get poured, saw the walls go up, then the siding. We had chosen the color of the aluminum siding and the wood front, as well as the brick trim. After that, it seemed to come to a stand-still, waiting for the inside work. In March we went to this furniture store in Plymouth and picked out the carpeting and linoleum...in the middle of a big snow storm. But we were so eager to get it done, we weren't going to let a little snow (even 8 inches of it) stop us! One day in May, at work I got a phone call from the Bremen Hospital. This time it was about Joey. Tammy had taken him with her in a friend's car to look at the house, and when they turned a corner, the door flew open and Joey fell out. Thank God, he was not hurt badly...just scrapes and bruises. Actually, Tammy was in worse shape than he was!

Next came movi-in day. We moved into the house over the July 4th weekend. Mom and Dad, Jim and Loretta and Frankie and his wife, Penny, came up to help. With two trucks and all that help, it only took us a few hours to move and set everything up....and we were determined to stay there so we didn't have to pay another month's rent on the apartment....even though the electricity had not been turned on. We lived there a week before we had electricity!

Mine and Steve's bedroom had red carpeting with white walls and ceiling...the ceiling had silver sparkles on it. We had a big double closet with sliding mirrored doors. And our room had double entrance doors.

Buddy's and Joey's room was blue...with blue carpeting, and a double closet. They had new twin beds with new matching blankets and bedspreads.

Tammy's and Lori's room was light lavendar with lavenday carpeting. It was smaller than the boys room, so the girls had bunk beds with matching blankets and bedspreads. They got the smaller room because most of the time Tammy had it to herself.

The bedrooms and bathroom were on the upper level. On the main level was the living room and kitchen. On the lower level was the laundry room, furnace room, a half bath...and an unfinished room, that didn't stay unfinished very long. That was mine and Steve's first project together in our new home.

For months, after work, Steve worked on finishing the family room. When he finished, it was really nice...panelled walls, white tiled drop ceiling, and closet. A built in bookcase and desk-table took up one whole end wall. A few years later, after much begging and coaxing from Buddy, we put a bed down there and made it his bedroom.

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 45

The first of January we moved into our new apartment in Bremen...and we all loved it! It was unfurnished, but between Uncle Calvin and my brother, Jimmy and auction sales, within a week I had three beds, a stove and refrigerator, table and four mismatched chairs and two chests of drawers. We were all set!

The apartment was on the ground floor with a big living room, two big bedrooms and a good-sized kitchen and bathroom. The only downside of it was the kitchen. Though big, it was down a hall from the living room, past my bedroom and the bathroom. It just felt separated from the rest of the apartment, but I soon grew used to it.

I loved Bremen and thought, even before I moved there, it would be the perfect town to raise kids. It was small. I think the population when we moved there was less than 2,000 including the surrounding township. Best of all, it was just 20 miles from South Bend and K-Mart!

We lived just a block from Bremen Cafe, a local bar with music and dancing on weekends. On Saturday nights after time for the kids to go to bed, I'd walk over there to meet friends from work, have a beer, listen to the music and dance. I did not want to date anybody, but I loved to go out with a crowd of friends and dance all night. At work I had made a best friend, Evelyn, and she and I spent a lot of time together with our kids. Sundays were most often spent at my brothers or my uncles...at least until I got over being mad at my mother for not allowing us to stay with them. Which didn't take more than a few weeks. I loved Mom too much to stay mad at her.

One Saturday night in February, Steve Bennett joined our group at Bremen Cafe. I knew Steve vaguely from work...knew who he was, at least. After that, he often joined us and we became friends. Over the weeks and months that friendship grew. When I realized that I was falling in love with him, I finally filed for the divorce that I had hoped I wouldn't have to get.

Steve was wonderful. To me. To the kids. To my family. He had an eight year-old daughter from his previous marriage that I adored. Lori was a shy, quiet little thing. It was hard to get her to say a word...until she got with my kids. Then she opened right up. She and Tammy became fast friends. And Joey followed her around like a little puppy. Because Steve was paying child support and bills he owed, he didn't have much money, so our dates were dutch treats...which was okay with me. I just liked being with him. We laughed a lot...and after what I had gone through the past year or two, I needed to laugh. He played on a softball team and I went to all his games. On Saturday nights we went to auto races. A neighbor of mine drove a race car, and we followed him and cheered him on all summer.

One night while at the race track, I heard my name over the loud speaker saying I had an emergency phone call. Well.....Buddy was spending the weekend with a friend over by Warsaw and had an accident riding a motor bike. The boy's parents took him to the Emergency Room at Warsaw Hospital and since he didn't know how to get hold of me, he had them call Mom and Dad.

But the hospital wouldn't stitch him up without my sayso, so they called the track and had me paged. Steve and I rushed to the hospital, scared to death not knowing how badly Buddy was hurt. Turned out, he had a long gash in his leg that had to be stitched, but was fine otherwise.

Another time I got a call at work that Buddy was at Bremen Hospital. Again, I rushed there scared about what I'd find. That time Tammy and Buddy were chasing each other and Tammy ran out the front door, slamming it in Buddy's face and he put his arm through the glass. He had several stitches in it.

I had a wonderful baby-sitter for Joey. She lived just a couple of blocks from us and loved Joey as much as he did her. She baby-sat for us for a couple of years. But that first summer, she got sick and her oldest teenage daughter took over for a few weeks. I thought it was perfect...Alice came to the house and stayed every day. Then, one night Joey and Buddy were wrestling around on the living room floor and Joey yelled, "Let go, you f...ker!" I was so shocked, I grabbed Joey and said, "what did you say? what did you call your brother?" "he's a f...er," Joey said.

I had no idea where he could have heard that word. I knew neither I nor anybody in my family ever said it. So, I questioned him carefully...and he finally said that was what Alice called him.

I immediately went over to Alice's and talked to her mother. I said I would not have that kind of language used around my kids. The upshot was the mother said she was feeling better and I could start bringing Joey back to her the next day. Unfortunately, Joey was only two years old and liked the word and the reaction it caused. (Tammy and Buddy thought it was funny and would crack up when he said it.) He continued to use it until one day I washed his mouth out with soap...that was the end of that!

In September, Steve asked me to marry him and I said yes. We planned a small December wedding. In the meantime, we went house-hunting. I found a nice story and a half farm house near Wakarusa with 3 acres of tillable land. The house need some work...painting, carpeting and the upstairs bedrooms were unfinished. Steve wanted a new house. That was our first argument...and Steve won out.

A new subdivision was going up on the edge of Bremen. We made an offer on a new house to be built...and were accepted. We pored over house plans trying to decide the type house we wanted. It was an exciting time for all of us. We got the kids involved in it and they each argued their case for the house they wanted. Finally, we all agreed on a tri-level with a two car garage...and were told the construction would begin just after the first of the year, on the lot we picked out.

Our wedding was to be quite simple. At Mom's church by her minister, Chad..and just us, the kids and our best friends, Evelyn and Jerry as attendants, and my family.

Then...the day before the wedding, I got a call at work. My uncle Calvin had been in the VA hospital in Fort Wayne for a week...and this call said he was dying and I should go to Warsaw and take Mom and Dad up to Fort Wayne. I worked days and Steve worked afternoons. I was waiting for him when he got to work and told him what was going on. He took the day off and went with me to get Mom and Dad.

We were at the hospital all night. Uncle Calvin was pronounced dead at 6 a.m. Mom had called her pastor, Chad and he was there when Uncle Calvin died. At that time, Steve and I told Chad we'd postpone our wedding.

Later on, though, the family talked us into going ahead with it...Jan, Calvin's wife, said it was what Uncle Calvin would want. While Steve and I went home to get a few hours sleep, Mom called Chad and said the wedding was back on. When we got to the church that afternoon, Chad was in overalls, doing some repairs around the church. He quickly changed into a suit and married us. And the next day we went to Ypsilanti for Uncle Calvin's funeral and burial. It was quite an introduction into our family for Steve! He was so great about it all, my entire family...Mom, Dad, brothers and sister, aunts, uncles, cousins..and most of all Granny (who was in the hospital at the time with stomach problems)...fell in love with him. I was afraid he'd feel overwhelmed, but if he was, he sure didn't act like it. He seemed to like my family just as much as they did him. Steve was soon to be tested even further.

On New Year's Eve, at a party at a friends, as soon as Steve kissed me at midnight, Evelyn handed me my coat and purse and Steve rushed me out the door to my protests and questions. In the car he told me Mom had called about fifteen minutes before midnight and said Granny was going in for emergency surgery...and wanted us to drive her and Dad to Ypsi.

When we got there, Granny was intensive care. She had survived the operation but was still in critical condition. We stayed at the hospital until Sunday evening, when we had to leave so we could go to work the next day. Mom and Dad decided to go with us. Dad was still working and he, too, had to work the next day. We tried to get Mom to stay, but she insisted on going home with Dad.

We stayed in daily contact with the hospital and relatives and kept up on Granny's condition. It was a happy day when I was told they were moving her from Intensive Care. This meant she was getting better...I thought. Instead...at work again...I get a call she has passed away...just a few hours after leaving intensive care. Once again, Steve and I, with Mom and Dad,make the sorrowful journey to Ypsilanti for a funeral. Jimmy and Loretta followed us, with Tammy and Buddy. Joey and Lori Sue rode up with Pastor Chad and his wife. We all got a laugh when Chad walked into Uncle Darvin's house where we had all gathered in preparation to attend the viewing. Chad walked in and hugged me and said...loudly...I finally met the man who can out talk me...and he's only three years old! Joey started talking at eighteen months..and never stopped...I swear he even talked in his sleep! Again, Steve was wonderful to us all and wormed his way further into the hearts of all my relatives. But, we weren't finished with him yet.

Three months later, again, I get a call at work. My sister, Margaret's, little four year old girl has died. She was riding on a motorcycle with her father and they hit a truck. Sheila was killed instantly and Phil was in critical condition. This time my relatives made the trip from Michigan to Indiana. It was a sad, difficult time for all of us, especially my sister. Steve was our rock! I don't know how I would ever have gotten through those four months of personal losses without Steve and thanked God every day for him.

The rest of my family came to depend on Steve, too. If Jimmy needed help installing a chimney, he called Steve. If Mom and Dad wanted panelling hung, they called Steve. When my sister and her husband were redoing their house, they called Steve. When our friends needed help, they called Steve. Steve was always available whenever anybody needed him. And, over the years as other facets of him changed, that never did.

Steve was a wonderful father to my kids. It can't have been easy taking on two teen-agers and a three year old, but he did it with open arms. He was great with his own daughter, too. We had Lori with us every other weekend, a month in the summer, a week at Easter/spring break and a week at Christmas. She fit in with my kids like she'd always been a part of us. At first she was very shy around me. I figured it was because ...a. I married her dad...and maybe she had been dreaming that her parents would get back together...altho her mother had remarried, also. b. She was afraid of losing her time with her dad. I worked hard at making sure that didn't happen, encouraging Steve to spend time alone with Lori when she was with us. I talked to her early on and told her that I did not want to take her mother's place...she had a mother...but I hoped she and I could be friends. I grew to love her as much as I did my own kids and soon found myself just as eager as Steve to have her with us as often as possible. When it came to Christmas and birthdays, I made sure that Lori got just as much from us as my kids...after all, I did consider her partly mine.

My uncle Darvin and his wife, Shirley, divorced and started having trouble with their middle child, Mildred. Severe problems...drugs, running away, violence towards her mother. She was taken from them and put in the "system." One weekend when Steve and I were visiting Darvin and his new girlfriend, Darvin became visible upset when talking about Milly. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, Steve and I had volunteered to take her if the court would allow it. Well, the court did and Milly came to live with us. On the surface Milly was a sweet, congenial fourteen year-old who was a welcome addition to our family. All the kids loved her. We started her in school ...ninth grade...in Bremen. At first, all was fine. But after a few months, Milly got antsy...and ran away from us, hitchhiked to Ypsilanti and her dad. Darvin brought her back, but she didn't stay long. As hard as it was to give her up...or to give up on her...we had to. She was put in a foster home in Ann Arbor where she lived until she was 18. She has told me that the love we showed her and then she lost by her own actions, made her determined to change...and she did. Today, Milly is a social worker working with troubled teenagers such as she was.

Steve and I also opened our home and hearts to some inner city kids from Chicago. Every summer we took in at least one child for two weeks...sometimes we'd put one on the bus to go home and pick up another one for two weeks. Sometimes we took two siblings at a time. We always tried to get a boy near Joey's age. Over the years there were a couple boys we got every summer that we all grew close to.

Michael and Paul. How I loved those boys! We always made sure we did something special while the kids were with us. One year we took one flying..a friend of ours had a small plane. We took them to Kings Island amusement park. We took one on vacation with us. We took them camping. But one year, when we had Michael, I think it was, we went to Chicago to the museums. We had planned to go to the zoo, but it rained all day and we ended up at the museum. Michael was a good sport about it, though, saying even though he had been to the museum...not with us!

The summer Joey was 12 was the last year we took a Chicago kid. That year we had Michael and took him on vacation with us. And Joey and Michael squabbled the whole two weeks. Even Lori was ready to send Michael home on more than one occasion. The kids had just outgrown each other and were growing in different directions. After that both Joey and Lori asked us not to take any more summer kids.

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 44

For the first time in my life, I was doing manual labor! My job at Franklin Coach in Nappanee wasn't hard...filling in nail holes inside little travel trailers and staining trim...and provided a way for me to support my kids again.

Our little house trailer had two good sized bedrooms, living room, kitchen and bathroom. Joey slept with me and Tammy and Buddy, once again, had to share a bedroom. The kids hated it there but, at the time, it was the best I could do. Rent was cheap, only $15 a week.

I kept writing to Joe even though he never responded. Then one day I got a phone call from his doctor. In that call and subsequent ones, the doctor asked me all about the way Joe had been acting leading up to his commitment.

In July, I got a call from Joe. He said he was going to sign himself out. That he was "fed up" with the hospital and didn't think they were doing him any good. I told him not to do anything rash and I'd call him back the next day.

I called his doctor and told him about Joe's phone call and asked if, in his opinion, Joe should leave the hospital. He said no way! But, he added, Joe had voluntarily committed himself and could leave anytime he wanted. He said the only way they could keep Joe from leaving was if either I or his mother came out there and committed him.

Since there was no way I could afford the trip, I called Joe's mother in Florida. She refused. I called the doctor back and told him there was nothing I could do. I asked if Joe would be okay and the doctor suggested I commit him locally...which I knew I could not do.

I then called Joe back, as promised. He had already made travel arrangements and told me he would fly into Chicago and take a bus to Warsaw and gave me dates and times. Since he would be while I was at work, I told him to go to Mom's.

When I got off work, I picked up the kids and we went to Mom's. It was a joyous reunion for all of us. The kids were absolutely thrilled to see Joe again...as he was to see them. This was on a Tuesday. On Friday when I got home from work, Joe said he wanted to go to Detroit to see his uncle and brother. We left early Saturday morning and after a short visit with Uncle George and Georgie, the kids and I went up to Ypsilanti to Avanelles, leaving Joe there with a promise to pick him up at three the next day for the return trip to Indiana.

When we went to get him the next day, he said he wanted to stay a week in order to take care of some "stuff." I tried to talk him out of staying but to no avail.

The next Friday I called him to tell him we'd be there Saturday afternoon to get him...and he said he needed another week. The next Friday I again called him. This time he said he was not coming back to Indiana...that Indiana was not his home. And if the kids and I wanted to live with him, we'd have to come to Detroit. Later, when Joe wasn't home, Uncle George called me. He said to not even try to come up there to live...that Joe was incapable of taking care of himself, much less me and the kids.

On Monday I called Joe's doctor in Camarillo and told him what was going on and asked what he thought I should do. His advice, in a nutshell, was to get a divorce. He said, in his opinion, Joe could function alone...with no responsibilities. He said Joe's illness had started when Joey was born. Before that, Joe really didn't feel any responsibility for me and Tammy and Buddy because he knew I had always worked and taken care of us. But when his own child was born, that put responsibility on him..and when he lost his job at Lincoln Park, it was downhill from there. I was crying while talking to the doctor. He was very kind and said he knew it was a difficult decision to make but he thought I should think about my kids and what was best for them.

So, here I was again, having to choose between my kids and my husband. It was a no-brainer to me. My kids were my life. Did I make the right decision? I don't know. Most people, even my mother, disagreed with me. She thought I should go to Michigan and try to save my marriage. Instead, I filed for divorce.

The first of August, I got laid off from Franklin Coach. After two weeks looking for work, I took a part-time job, working Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, at a local tavern. I hated it. But the money was good. I didn't make much per hour, but the tips were more than I had made working at Franklin Coach. A big disadvantage was having to leave the kids alone. Tammy was 12, Buddy turned 12 in August...and Joey not yet two. It was a lot of responsibility on Tammy. My hours were 8 pm to 2:30 am. Tammy resented having to stay in the house on those long summer evenings. She and Buddy started fighting and every night at work, I could count on at least one phone call from each of them. Since we lived only two blocks from the bar, I could run home...and often did...if I thought their fighting deserved intervention.

In August I got a job at Holiday Rambler. I was able to quit the bar, except filling in when they needed help...which I was glad to do because of the tips. It was nothing to bring home, in one night, what I made for a week at the trailer factory.

The kids started school in Milford and I thought things were going good, again, for us. Then, in October, a couple of weeks after her 13th birthday, Tammy ran away. She went for a walk on Saturday afternoon. Since I had been called to work at the bar that night, I told her to be home by six so we could eat before I had to leave. She didn't show up. Two days later Mom found her at a friend's house. I won't go into that weekend except to say it was the worst experience of my life...not knowing if she was dead or alive. Thank God for my Dad...who was with me through it all. Mom was in Kentucky for the weekend and didn't know about until she got home late Sunday night. She was at work on Monday and mentioned Tammy's disappearance to a friend...who said Tammy was staying with them! The friend called home and had Tammy come to the duck farm, where Mom worked...then Mom called me and said to come get Tammy.

When I walked into the duck farm, I didn't know whether to hug her or slap her! After the two days misery I had gone through, I was swept with conflicting feelings. Happy she was okay...angry at her for running off. The happy side won. I pulled her into my arms and we both cried. When we got home, we spent the whole day talking. Tammy told me how unhappy she was there...how much she hated being home alone with Buddy and Joey when I worked nights...how ashamed she was about me working in a bar. I promised her I would never work another night at the bar. We'd just have to cut back on our spending and live on the money I made at the trailer factory.

Then...one day Buddy told me Tammy was being stalked. He didn't use that word..but said when they were out, this Mexican boy was always hanging around...and hung around outside the trailer when I wasn't home. Even though I was no longer working at the bar, I had gotten in the habit of going there for a few hours every Saturday night after the kids were in bed. So much for that!

The first Saturday night I stayed home, I was in the living room watching TV, with the lights off..when I saw a man at the window. In a few minutes Buddy came out and said the Mexican was looking in their window. By then I had turned on the lights and when I went outside, he was gone. This happened the next night...and the next...once I heard him try the front door, which was locked.

The following Saturday, Thanksgiving weekend, I was at Moms. Sue, my sister who lived in Kentucky was there, too. I was crying while telling her and Mom about the Mexican boy and how scared I was for Tammy. Sue gave me a small gun.

That night I sat on the couch, facing the door, with the loaded gun in my hand. There's not a doubt in my mind that if the Mexican...who I had learned was a 17 year old boy..had tried to get into the trailer, I would have shot him!

The next day, my Uncle Calvin and his wife Jan stopped by. When he saw the gun laying on top of the TV, he went ballistic! I explained what was going on and he yelled at me, "Have you lost your mind?" And I realized I had.

While I sat on the couch crying, the kids crowded around me, Joey on my lap, Uncle Calvin told Jan to take Tammy and pack us some clothes...that we were not spending another night in that trailer! It just shows how depressed I was that I not only allowed Uncle Calvin to tell me what to do, but to like it...even need it.

We followed Uncle Calvin to Mom's where he told her what was going on...yelling at her for allowing it. When I asked her if the kids and I could stay there until after Christmas...she said no. She said I had a husband in Detroit and should go to him. Mom didn't understand mental illness any better than I had before talking to Joe's doctor.

The kids and I ended up staying with my brother, Jimmy and his family. I planned to move back to Ypsilanti after Christmas. Avanelle invited us to stay with her until I got settled. I called Joe and told him what I was going to do and said he could stay at Avanelle's with us until I found us a place to live. He said no. He said that he had called my old boss...Al Klieman and Al told him he would give me a job whenever I wanted it.

Again, I was torn. Should I go back to Ypsilanti and start all over, knowing Joe was in Detroit but wouldn't live with us? Or should I stay in Indiana...near my family ...especially my brothers and sisters and Uncle Calvin ...all of whom I had grown very close to.

I never consciously made a decision. I kept working, driving from Palestine Lake to Nappanee every day. Then one day at work, a friend mentioned an apartment in Bremen she had looked at and said I should check it out. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, I had put down a deposit and a month's rent, starting the first of January. So. We were staying in Indiana. Bremen was about 35 miles from Warsaw, just close enough to visit whenever I wanted to.

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 43

Leaving Joe was really hard on all of us. My heart was breaking but I tried to keep it together for the kids. Both Tammy and Buddy were devastated. Tammy sobbed her little heart out for the first hour or so...and Buddy, sitting in the front seat by me, tried to be tough..telling Tammy he was glad to be leaving Kum's house. Tammy said she was glad of that, but wanted Joe with us. "Me too," he said, "but Joe says we can't get everything we want." Yet, he sat there looking out the side window and surreptitiously wiping his eyes every now and then. It made no difference to Joey, though. He had the three people who meant most to him!

I tried to reassure the kids, telling them we were only going to Indiana to wait until Joe got a place of our own then we'd go back...yet, the sinking feeling in my gut was saying it was over. My marriage, my dreams, my life. Now it was just me and my kids again.

We drove for about three hours...in the middle of the desert...and had a flat tire. In a station wagon, the spare is under the floor behind the third seat. We had to unload everything to get to the spare. By then a couple of men in a pickup had stopped to help us. Only to find the spare was also flat. They said the only thing they could do was go on in to Scottsdale, about 30 miles away, and send a tow truck. All in all, by the time the tow truck got there and fixed the tire, we spent about four hours sitting beside that road. The kids were great. They alternately played with Joey in the desert by the car and slept.

We stayed at a motel in Scottsdale and got an early start the next day. Overall, we took out time going to Indiana. We drove through the Painted Desert and the Petrified Forest. I opted not to drive the hundred or so miles to visit the grand canyon...a decision I've often regretted. We did go a little out of our way to see the meteor hole. We stopped at a few Indian villages and I bought the kids some cheap souvenirs. I really had to be frugal. I had left Joe all my money except for my allotment check of $80 ...and the credit card. I charged the gas and the motels and we used the money for food.

We stopped at a deserted western town and stayed a couple of hours where the kids could run off the excess energy and I could take a break from driving. Even though Joey was good, considering he was only 18 months old, after a few hours in the car he got really cranky. So, even though we were on the road from 8 in the morning until about 10 at night, we didn't cover a lot of miles because we stopped often.

Wednesday evening we crossed the Mississippi River, awed by the Arch, and stopped to eat. I explained that we were only six hour from Warsaw and could either get a motel for the night...or keep going, putting us at at Mom and Dad's about one a.m. Both Tammy and Buddy said to go on...they were anxious to get there. At the next gas stop, I called Mom collect and told her we'd be in between one and two...which was a surprise to her since she didn't know we'd left California.

It was the week before Easter when we got to Indiana...and we stayed with Mom and Dad the rest of April. Again the kids started a new school. I got a job in Nappanee at a trailer factory and rented a mobile home in Milford. We moved there the first of May...and again, the kids started a new school. This made four different schools in one school year...actually, four different schools in five months!

Two weeks after I got home, I got a disturbing letter from Joe. It scared me to death. He said he was living in a room in Los Angeles. The letter sounded like a suicide note. I didn't know what to do. I called Joe's uncle George in Detroit and read the letter to him. He told me to take care of my kids and he'd take care of Joe.

Uncle George called Kum Walter and, I guess, read him the riot act. Told him they had interfered enough in our lives and now it was up to them to find Joe and take care of him. I guess after we left, Joe and Kuma Lillian had words, to put it mildly. He accused her of running us off and she said it was his fault for being too lazy to take care of us. So, in a huff, he left them and went to LA...and got a room where he holed up, only leaving it to mail that letter to me...at the same time he sent a note to Kum asking them to put my stuff in storage. I had left all our kitchen stuff...pots, pan, dishes, silverware.. as well as all our linens, a console TV set, Joey's crib, all my picture albums, my silver tea set and a painting that the office had given me, as well as other odds and ends.

After Uncle George's call, Kum went to find Joe...and after some discussion, took Joe to Camarillo State Hospital where Joe voluntarily committed himself. And just walked away from Joe...with never another visit or phone call. Some Kum! The only contact Joe had with them again was some papers they sent to the Hospital for Joe to sign...including a Quit Claim Deed giving them back their house.

When I later called them and asked them to ship my stuff to me, Kuma said they had sold most of it a garage sale. I said then to send me the money, as well as the money I had paid on their house. She got all huffy and said the over $2,000 I had given them for back payments and utilities was rent and board for the two months we all stayed with them...and hung up on me. I never heard from her again...but when I visited friends in Detroit, I heard all kinds of lies she told them...such as we never paid them anything...and how good they treated us...while we were a couple of ingrates! Luckily, when I was at Kuma Eva's and she was telling me the worst of it, in my purse I had a couple of cancelled checks...endorsed by Walter, for over a thousand dollars.

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 42

I wonder how many people can recognize mental illness when they're living with it. I didn't. In retrospect, I should have. Joe changed completely. The man I fell in love with was strong and confident, almost to the point of arrogance...generous, kind, loving, intelligent and was happiest when he was taking care of someone else. The man I left in California was stubborn, hesitant, dishonest (constant lying to me had started before he left Detroit.) He was willing to let someone else take control of his life. He didn't want to work. He was looking to make an easy buck..wanted to be a wheeler-dealer like Kum. One of the reasons I fell in love with him was because he made me feel like I could lean on him...I didn't have to be the strong one. Suddenly, that was gone.

I have been critisized by Joe's family and some members of our church, as well as by the Kums, over leaving Joe in California...choosing my kids over my husband. And I admit I did. In fact, I told him and the Kums that was what I was doing. My kids were unhappy. The atmosphere there was unhealthy for them. The way I saw it, I only had two choices. Leave Joe, but get a job and a place for me and the kids there in California...or go to Mom and Dad's. Staying there didn't feel right...I had no support network there. I felt going to Mom and Dad's gave Joe a message. He knew I did not like Indiana and didn't want to live there. By not going back to Ypsi, I was telling him it was temporary. Either he straightened up and came home or else got a job and a home for us to live there in California. At any rate, I was determined to get my children away from that house!

I didn't realize Joe was mentally ill. I thought he was lazy. And, like I said, he wanted to be a wheeler-dealer and make the big bucks that Kum bragged about making (yet he was on the verge of bankruptcy because he had poured every penny he could beg, borrow or steal into a big desert project...that I admit, a few years later made him a very wealthy man.)

More about Joe's illness later.

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 41

Not everything about our brief stay in California was bad. We actually did have some good times...especially when we, Joe, me and the kids, got out by ourselves away from the Kums.

We spent one Sunday in Tijuana. That day we took Pam with us and I had never seen so much happiness in that child. On the way down, we stopped at Capistrano but, of course, it was not the right time of the year to see the birds.

In Tijuana, we parked the car and walked...and walked...I don't think we missed a corner of that town. Downtown, itself, was only a few blocks ...with a circus-style atmosphere. Shop-owners..or their employees...would actually chase us down the sidewalk hawking their products. It was so colorful and noisy, we didn't know where to look first. One of the kids was constantly yelling for me to "Look, Mom...look."

We went into a liquor store to buy a small bottle of tiquilla as a souvenir. Buddy was amazed at the worm in each bottle. He asked the salesman what to do with the worm...and the salesman proceeded....as a wide-eyed eleven year old gaped...to take a big drink..and swallow the worm! Like Buddy, I didn't know whether to laugh or puke! We did buy a bottle of tequilla but I don't know what ever happened to it. We never opened it and as far as I know, left it at the Kums.

We stopped at an outdoors cafe and ordered real Mexican tacos...that tasted just like the ones at Taco Bell. And drank warm cokes with them. We could probably have gotten a glass of ice but were afraid of the water. Little Pam must have mentioned a dozen times during the day that we mustn't drink the water in Mexico.

It was late when we got home...to a lecture from Kuma about the next day being a school day, but we'd enjoyed the day so much, I just took Joey straight to bed, determined not to let her ruin my happy glow.

The second weekend we were there, Joe and the kids and I went to Los Angeles to see my cousin, Troy,Jr. and his family. We spent an enjoyable couple of hours with them...and went back once more while I was there. After that first visit, we left and went on a tour of Hollywood and Beverly Hills. We bought a map from a street vendor and drove by all the celebrity homes. We got a real thrill at Lucille Ball's house when we saw her get out of her car in her driveway. A lot of the homes were secluded behind walls and trees...but some, like Lucille Ball's were more open, visually. Buddy said he needed to use the bathroom and I dared him to go up and ring Lucille Ball's doorbell and ask her if he could use hers. Of course, he was too shy to do it.

We parked and walked down Rodeo Drive and window shopped. We fitted our feet in the footprints of the stars. And kept our eyes peeled watching for a celebrity but never saw nary a one. I took two rolls of pictures that, like the tiquilla, got left at Kums.

We never tired of the ocean. We had several overlook view points that we visited every day. When the kids got home from school, I would rush them into the car with me and Joey, and we'd take off for a couple of hours, sometimes just driving around...we especially liked to drive around Ojai...a beautiful area. Mostly, though, we'd park somewhere and just watch the ocean and the surfers.

Santa Barbara was just a half hour north of Ventura and we loved the beach and park there. That was where we spent most Saturdays. There was always exhibits by "starving artists" and I could spend hours just walking and looking at the paintings...but didn't get to. One, Joey was too rambunctious and two, Buddy and Tammy got bored looking at paintings. It was okay with me, I was just as happy to sit at a picnic bench while they ran and played on the beach.

One week we had a severe storm...well, actually the storm was out at sea. We had a lot of rain, but the waves were huge! The kids came home from school early because the waves were washing up to the road. They came home with stories about watching the waves out of the bus windows, that broke just a few feet from the road. I put them in the car and we drove as close to the ocean as we could...which wasn't very close as the police had the roads blocked. But we did get to a spot where we could park and watch the waves come in. There was a long pier, the length of several football fields, out into the ocean with many vendor booths on it. That pier was completely underwater. Houses up to three blocks from the beach were nearly underwater. In fact, Kum's house was on a hill and the water was at the bottom of the street. The next day all the water was gone...back into the sea.

I spent one unforgettable Satuday night there. Kums took Joe and me to a play and cast party afterwards at the Masquer's Club. I had read about the Masquers Club for years in Movie magazines and was thrilled to be able to actually see it. The play was good...Three on a Match...but the cast party was a night to remember...for me anyway. Because Kum Walter was a wheeler-dealer in real estate, he knew and often rubbed elbows (his phrase) with celebrities and political figures. He knew everybody!

After the play, we sat at a table with the female star of the show, Sandy Dennis and her husband. Sandy had a little boy the same age as Joey and we shared baby stories. She invited me to bring Joey over and we made a date for the following week.

Bob Denver was the male star of the show. I was shaking in my shoes when he asked me to dance...then kept me on the floor through at least six songs. He even asked me to leave and go someplace else with him and I said...okay, as soon as I ask my husband! Then I took him over the table where Joe was sitting with Kum Walter and several other men and introduced them.

Bob said after that, the least he could do was introduce me to the person who I had been watching all the time we were dancing. He took me to the bar and said, "Duke, I've got somebody here who wants to meet you." Believe me, I was so star-struck I couldn't breathe. John Wayne took my hand and said, "hello there, little lady." Bob Denver leaned down and whispered in my ear, "breathe!" I stood there for a few minutes while the two men talked..then John asked me who I was there with. I told him my husband, Joe, and pointed to the table where he was sitting...and John said, "Oh, he's with Walter"...and not in a pleasant tone. Just then Joe motioned for me to come there, so I said, "It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Wayne." To which he replied, "It's John, or Duke if you prefer." Then he kissed me...right on the lips" Just a quick peck...but still!! and said he was glad he met me, too.

I floated over to Joe's table where he and all the men, who had been watching my encounter my John Wayne, started teasing me about being kissed by the Duke, himself...and teasing Joe that he had some big boots to fill now.

Joey and I did go to visit Sandy Dennis, three different times. She was a wonderful, warm, generous, kind woman. And I don't know just what I expected a big star to be like, but she wasn't like one. She baked cookies and played with our babies. She gave Joey two outfits that were too big for her baby. The last visit to her house, I told her I was planning to leave the first of April and she said she was sorry to hear that and would miss our weekly visits. We had fast become friends and I'm sure had I stayed there, that friendship would have grown. After I got to Indiana, we corresponded a few times. Then one of us, maybe me, didn't answer a letter...and the relationship died.

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 40

We left Highland Park at five p.m on Tuesday, near the first of February. Joe flew in on Monday and took our station wagon to have it serviced and get a hitch attached...so we could tow the Volks. We didn't get the wagon back until after noon and then had to load it...so we were several hours later leaving than we'd planned.

The first night we drove into Texas before stopping at a motel, the second night we hit a dust storm near Phoenix and didn't find a motel vacancy until after midnight. The next day we drove the rest of the way into Ventura, California, getting there about eight p.m.

We were all ready for the long trip to end. Joey was fifteen months old and the trip was hard on him. He was constantly climbing from the front seat to the back...then a few minutes later back to the front. We had car seat hooked over the middle of the front seat, but he wouldn't stay in it very long at a time. Tammy and Buddy were ready to desert him several times...literally. At one rest stop, Buddy and Tammy took Joey out in the field (desert) and ran off and left him. When he came running up to me, Buddy looked at Tammy and said...It didn't work, he found us. We all laughed but I wasn't completely sure it was a joke!

Kuma Walter and Kuma Lillian had a lovely, big ranch house. Joe and Joey and I shared a room...we had brought Joey's crib. Tammy shared a room with Pam, Kum's seven year old daughter. Buddy slept on the sofa bed in the family room, as did Kum's son Paul on weekends. Paul was attending a military academy even though he was only 14 years old. I guess they'd had some problems with him in public schools. Actually, from what I saw, he was a normal kid and Kuma Lillian didn't want to bother with him.

The two months we stayed with the Kums in Ventura were a nightmare. Kums just didn't like kids, not theirs and certainly not mine. After the first few mornings when Kuma complained about Joey being so noisy in the mornings...he wasn't...he was a laughing happy baby in the mornings...but his chatter and laughing bothered Kuma...I started getting him up...changing and dressing him...creeping out to the kitchen with him...making his breakfast and taking it and him to the car. We drove around for at least two hours, stopping at an over-look by the ocean where I fed him. On weekends I took Tammy and Buddy with us. We'd go home when I was sure it was past time for Kuma to get out of bed.

Although Kuma tolerated Tammy, she didn't like Buddy at all. She would not allow him to play in the house. After school, he was shooed outside or to the garage to play, coming inside only to eat and sleep.

I allowed this to happen and kept my mouth shut all the month of Feb. I spent a lot of time in our bedroom with Joey...and Buddy. Joe was no help at all. He constantly told me we had to ge grateful to Kums for taking us in...and that it was only for a few weeks.

The first of March, I got several commission checks as well as my child support allotment. I told Joe we more than enough to rent our own place and begged him to let us move. Then he told me that Kum was behind on the house payments as well as other bills and was going to declare bankruptcy. Before Joe left to come get us, Kum had put the house in Joe's name...just a formality so they wouldn't lose it. But Joe said we had to make the house payments plus two months back payments. There went all my money except the allotment which I refused to give over. We didnt' even have enough left to make our own car payment

While we were there Kuma never lifted a hand to do anything other than cook. I did all the cleaning, the washing and ironing and everything else around the house.

Joe got up every morning and went to work from about 7 to four. Three weeks after we got there, Joey got sick. On Friday, Joe's payday, I went to pick up his paycheck in the morning so I could buy some medication for Joey. Wellllll. When I told the receptionist who I was and what I wanted, she told me Joe didn't work there anymore. He had quit over a week ago. Yet every morning that week he had gone to work..at least that was what I thought. Turned out he went to the library and spent the days because he didn't know how to tell me...as well as the Kums...that he wasn't working.

Towards the middle of March I went out and found a job...and a house for us to rent. Joe refused to move. And said I couldn't take the job, either...that Kuma would not watch Joey while I worked. I gave him an ultimatum. Either find a job and let us move by the first of April, or I was going to Indiana.

Needless to say, Kum and Kuma backed him up in everything. Naturally they didn't want us to move. I was paying their bills and working as an unpaid servant. Every day I'd get a lecture from Kuma about Joe being the head of the household...in other words, my boss...and it was my responsibility to back him up and encourage him.

We did have a few good times while out there and I'll write about them later. Right now, I'm in a fuming mode and just remembering those days raises my blood pressure!

Anyway, the first of April Joe said he didn't have a job...but had a promised of one for the following school year. In the meantime, he said, we'd stay with Kums. You might stay, I said....I'm getting my kids out of here!

The first week in April, I made good on my threat. Early on Saturday morning, I got up, got the kids dressed...the station wagon loaded with our clothes and said good-bye to Joe. We all cried. I told Joe I was going to Mom and Dad in Indiana...and all he had to do was send me a paystub and proof that he had rented us a place to live and we'd be back...even if I had to borrow the money for the trip.

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 39

I have been dreading writing about this next period in the lives of my children and me. It was very difficult for all of us and just thinking about writing it has brought back so many painful memories that I just can't even try to write them down....for the sake of my own mental health. Instead I will write the basic facts as we lived them.

As that summer of 1970 drew to a close, Joe was still unemployed. He had turned down two or three jobs at junior highs and a freshman basketball coach. Now he reconsidered...but it was too late. All the jobs had been filled.

Labor Day weekend my parents and siblings came up for the weekend. We went to the Michigan State Fair and had a wonderful time. Mom and Dad again slept in our room...and Joe and I again slept in the little bed in the den. The next morning Joe mentioned that he had not taken his epilepsy medicine the night before because when he remembered it, he didn't want to disturb Mom and Dad.

Later that morning Mom and Dad left to spend the day at Aunt Susie's before going back to Indiana that evening. Since we planned to follow them, Tammy rode up with them. I was just getting stuff around for the baby when Joe had a seizure. This was the first one I'd ever seen and it scared me to death. It wasn't a pretty thing. Buddy and Joey were in the living room with us and I told Buddy to take Joey out to the porch. I didn't want Buddy scared. too. Luckily, he hadn't seen Joe fall, so didnt' know what was going on.

Joe fell to the floor, convulsing hard enough to shake the house. I remembered what the doctor had told me when I consulted him about whether or not to have a baby. He said to make sure there was nothing he could hit or break and hurt himself...and walk away until it was over. Well, I couldn't walk away. I grabbed a cushion off the couch and forced it under Joe's head because his head was hitting the floor hard. And sat beside him until it was over, about three minutes...which as I later learned, was a long one. After the seizure, Joe went to sleep and I had been warned that he would sleep several hours after one. I didn't know what to do. Tammy had gone with Mom and Dad and I had to go get her. So I called Georgie and Uncle George and told them what was going on. They came right over and said they'd stay there while I went to Ypsilanti...and not to worry or hurry back, that Joe wouldn't even know I was gone for five or six hours. I left...and was back in five hours. Joe was awake and mad as heck at me for leaving him!

The next day I called his neurologist and got an appointment for the next day. During his talking to Joe it came out that Joe had not missed just the one dose of medication...but had been taking it irregularly for a month. Sure enough, when I counted his pill, he had missed six doses that month. Now I was the one who was mad as heck. And from then on, I give the pills to him myself.

As it happened, teachers at Detroit schools went out on strike that year and school didn't start until near the end of September. Detroit offered...and Joe accepted...a job teaching history at a middle school. A job he hated. He worked two weeks and one morning wouldn't get up to go to work. I called in sick for him...every day until both his sick days and personal days were used up, at which time the school let him go.

Money became a big issue. Our savings were going down faster than I could add to it. I had to take more floor time at the office...leaving Joey with Loretta...and more evening appointments...leaving Tammy in charge. The more I worked, the more Joe was angry. I knew he was resentful that I was having to work so much. Still, he refused to get out of bed. We had to carry all his meals to him. When I left the house, I made sure his pills were counted out and put beside the bed with a glass of water. Then he had another seizure and a few days later, another one. Soon, it was several a week. I didn't know how or why, but he only had the seizures when I was home...for which I was thankful. I don't know how Tammy would have handled seeing it.

I took Joe to both our family doctor and his neurologist. The family doctor gave him a clean bill of health. The neurologist changed his medication. Still the seizures continued.

The first of December, Joe began talking about going to California to visit our Kumas. After several ...expensive...long distance calls to them, he decided to go for two weeks. I took him to the airport and kissed him goodbye....praying the vacation would help him. I talked to him everyday and to Kuma Lillian who assured me Joe was doing fine and had not had a seizure since he got there.

The day before he was due to fly home, he called...collect...and said he was staying for another week...then it was another week. The kids and I went to Indiana for Christmas...a sad one for us without Joe. Then it was New Year's ...and again, Joe had decided to stay longer. Except now, he was saying he was never coming back. Several days, several angry phone calls and a few buckets of tears...I agreed to join him...if he had a job first.

A few days later he said he had a job with an office cleaning company. Subsequently, I put our house up for sale. Then I had an indoors garage sale...selling all our furniture, keeping only essential items...kitchenware, dishes, linens, and our clothes. I cried over every piece of furniture that walked out the door.

The first of February, Joe flew home to help me drive across country. We had a station wagon and a Volkswagen. We crammed the Volks as full as it would go. We rented a car-topper for the top of the staton wagon and stuffed it full. The back of the station wagon was also loaded down.

When we were ready to leave, after tearful goodbyes to my brother and uncle, Joe's brother and uncle, with everybody in the station wagon, I told them I needed to check on something. Leaving them all in the car...I went back inside to say a final farewell to the first home I had ever owned and loved as I would never love another house.

Joe sent Tammy to get me..and she found me on the floor of my lovingly refurbished bathroom, sobbing my heart out....and joined me. A few minutes later, Buddy came looking for us...and he too was soon on the floor with us...all three of us sitting there with our arms around each other, me hugging them both to me....crying as hard as we could...and the next thing I knew, Jimmy was there crying with us. He had decided to drive by, thinking we had gone.

The trip was long and uneventful, except for me crying most of that first day.

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 38

I was thirty years old when Joey was born. From the first, I was enthralled with him. Everything he did was like a small miracle. Because of the ten years between him and Buddy, it was like having a first baby all over again.

I had been taking care of babies all my life. When Jimmy was born I was five years old and one of my earliest memories is laying on the bed with him, shaking the bed, trying to get him to go to sleep. When Sue was born two years later, I learned to change diapers. By the time Margaret came along, when I was 10, I was doing everything for her except nursing her. Then came Frankie, Darvin and Dodie. With Dodie, I even fed her...she was a bottle baby. In fact, Mom had some problems and had to stay in the hospital longer Dodie. Dad brought Dodie home and handed her to me and said here she is...take care of her. From that minute on, Dodie was mine. When I was home, I did everything for her...feeding, bathing, diapers, getting her to sleep, etc. When school stated for my junior year, I was as upset over leaving her as she was over me leaving.

So, when I had Tammy and then Buddy, I expected them to do certain things at certain tim es. I was proud when Tammy started walking at eight months. I was frustrated when Buddy didn't walk until he was thirteen months. But with Joey,, everything he did felt like a minor miracle...when he rolled over, when he sat up, when he crawled...and he did not do anything especially early...he was also thirteen months old when he started walking.

He cried for the first six months of his life. He cried after a bottle. He cried when I'd put him to bed. He cried if he was left in a room alone. I cried at the doctor's office...and the doctor laughed at me. He said I needed to put Joey in bed and walk away...let him cry. I tried that...three nights in a row...I walked the floor while he cried for two solid hours before I gave in and went in and got him. Then I walked the floor with him until he quit crying...and took him to bed with me so we could both get a few hours sleep.

I was one happy camper when, at six months, his colic went away. He no longer cried after eating...but still screamed bloody murder when I'd put him in his bed. Yet, I tried every night..but eventually would give up and take him to bed with me. When he got old enough to climb out of his crib...he would just get out and get in bed with me.

I hated leaving him to go to work, but had no choice. At least the job I had allowed me to make my own hours around Joey's schedule! After the colic stopped, except for the bedtime problems, Joey was an ideal child. He was one of those children who gets punished once...and doesn't do that particular thing again. If I slapped his hand for playing with the TV...he never did itta again.
And he adored his big sister and brother. I had to yell at Tammy more than once to stop carrying him around and let him walk. Buddy loved him too...but in small doses.

One afternoon when Joey was about nine months old, I had finally got him to sleep and put him in his crib in his room upstairs. I was in the kitchen when I heard this ..thump...thump....thump...on the stairs. Running to check...I found Joey making his way down the stairs...on his bottom...one stair at a time. I didn't even know he could climb out of his crib. From then on, he did not want to be carried upstairs...he wanted to crawl up them by himself. Yet again, after the first time I yelled at him over it...he never attempted to go up or down unless one of us...me, Tammy or Buddy...were with him.

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 37

A lot of our life was centered around the Serbian Church. We never missed a Sunday service unless we went to Indiana for the weekend... and both Tammy and I took Serbian lessons for a few weeks. Didn't stick to us since neither one of know any Serbian today. I joined the Women's League and attended weekly meetings.

The women's league meetings were great fun. The first half of each meeting was devoted to prayer and praise...then the food came out...and what food we had! While we ate we discussed the business part of the meeting and socialized. The women's league was responsible for cooking the dinners served in the Serbian Hall (across the parking lot from the church) every Sunday after services. We also took care of special dinners for funerals, weddings, baptisms and Holidays. We had a Christmas party every year for all the children of the church. I think one group was responsible for cleaning the church and hall...but I never got involved in that. In fact, at first they didn't let me do anything except paper work....it took a few months for the older Serbian women to accept me...a jerked over Baptist...as they kiddingly (I hope) called me.

We didn't always stay for dinner after church because at least once a month we went up to Ypsi to have dinner with Granny...at Aunt Susie's. But the dinners were spectacular...to say the least. Those old Serbian bubbas could cook. My favorite was when we had the baked chicken quarters...over Serbian rice. I also liked the serbian chicken paprikosh...a Serbian chicken and dumplings. There was always a bottomless bowl of salad on every table and an endless dessert table. Father Mijatovich and his wife, Pauline, always sat with us. Pauline and Joe's mother were best friends and they had known Joe all his life. Father and I got into some very deep discussions comparing the Serbian religion (orthodox) to the religion I was raised with. I was thrilled to know the basics were the same...only traditions were different.

I learned it was offensive to mention their services were like Catholic masses...hahah. Father was quick to inform me that they did not bow to any man...only to Christ. The Serbian church does have confessions and fasting. Before Easter and Christmas and before one gets married.
They do cross themselves at the end of a prayer...but in the opposite direction of the Catholics.
Although they have christenings, they believe everybody has to decide for themselves to be saved...to accept Christ.

They believe Christ was born of the virgin Mary and was crucified and arose after three days. They believe the only way to heaven is to accept Christ as your personal savior. They don't believe in praying to Mary or to saints. I have never met a more holy man than Father Mijatavich and have judged every preacher I've met by his standards since then.

I might mention here that Father and Pauline had a daughter a few years younger than Joe...and it had been theirs and Joe's mother's strongest wish that the two of them marry. Sadly, Kosa shared their wishes and I was amazed that her parents not only accepted me as Joe's wife...but sincerely liked me.

In April, when Joey was five months old, we had him christened. Joe and I had been Kumas for Kuma Eva's son, Nicky, when he married. Their son was two months younger than Joey...so we had them christened together. Kuma Eva catered the dinner afterwards. I'm no dummy!!!

For the Christening Joe's mother came up from Florida for a couple of weeks and stayed with us. Our Kums ...who had moved to California...came home. Their children, Pam and Paul, stood as Kums for Joey. Joe and I were Kums for Nicky's baby. The christening took place on Sunday after church. It's a very solemn ceremony where the priest (Father) asks the Kums specific questions about always being available for helping the child...not just spiritual. The Kum relationship is a very serious one...and not to be taken lightly. Although the Christening Kum takes second place to the marital Kums...who if not before, do become lifelong friends and in many ways, nosy busybodies! More about that later!

Tammy and Buddy loved Radmila (Joe's mother) and called her Bubba at her insistance. I think Bubba actually means "old woman" in Serbian...but a lot of Serbian Grandmothers are called Bubba. Radmila returned the affection..especially to Tammy. She had always wanted a daughter and took Tammy under her wing right away. We all had a good laugh at her expense, albeit behind her back...when she bought Tammy a new dress. Tammy, at 11 was very well endowed on top...and Bubba went to the womens department at Federals and bought her a dress. One more suitable for a woman's Bubba's age. I wouldn't even have worn it!

Oh...before I end this, I want to tell about the time...near Christmas...when the Women's league had our Christmas party as the Elmwood Casino in Windsor. It was just a nightclub...there were no gambling casinos back then. The Elmwood was so popular that parties were booked nearly a year in advance. The women responsible were told the entertainment would be a well-known comedian from Las Vegas.

Well....the night of the party, the entertainment was direct from Las Vegas, as promised. Just not the one originally booked. Don Rickles had cancelled and another act was substituted. A nearly nude chorus line of show girls and a comedian...I don't remember his name...with a gutter sense of humor! After his first joke about the group of church women closing their eyes and holding their hands over their ears during the opening act, most of the older women got up and left. I stayed along with all the women closer to my age...and, surprisingly, quite a few of the older women, who laughed harder than anybody else at the off-color jokes. Needless to say, the women's league kept their parties closer to home...and made sure of the entertainment after that!

LIFE WITH CHILDREN PART 36

I would be remiss if I didn't give credit to my brother Jimmy and his wife Loretta during this period in my life. They were always there for me. If I had an appointment during the day and Tammy was in school, I could always count on Loretta to keep Joey for me.
Jim and Loretta had two kids of their own...Jamie, born in March of 1966 and Lori Sue born in March of 1969...seven months before my Joey.

I naturally was very close to Jim and Loretta and adored their kids. Jamie was the smartest little kid I had ever known. He did everything early...walking, talking..reading. Lori Sue was the prettiest, sweetest baby ever...and she was named after me.

Jim and I had been close all our lives. Living so close together just strengthened that bond. Seldom a day went by that we didn't see each other, playing cards every Saturday night, at least. Tammy and Buddy...and later Joey...loved ther Aunt Loretta and Uncle Jim...a bond that exists to this day. Lori Sue and Joey became best friends as well as cousins.

I can't say enough good things about Loretta. She has been the perfect sister-in-law and friend. Through the years Jim and I have had our disagreements...but not me and Loretta. We've never had a cross word. In fact, I've never heard her say a bad thing about anybody. I love her like a sister.

Joe's brother, George, too was always available and willing when I needed him. Even though Tammy could take care of Joey when I couldn't be home, she was still too young to be alone with Joey and Buddy. She was 11 years old when Joey was born...Buddy was 10. George stayed with us a few months after he came home from Viet Nam. But even after he moved in with Uncle George...his Dad's single brother...he was at our house more that his own...and never complained about helping out with babysitting.

One hot June day when I was pregnant with Joey, George and I were home along...Joe had taken the kids to the baseball field with him. George decided to mow the lawn. Suddenly, from the back yard I heard this G0d-awful scream...followed by LOORRRIIIIIEEEEE!! I hurried to the back door and saw Georgie sitting on the ground. I went on out to him and all he could do was point at his foot. The toe of his shoe was mangled and blood was gushing out...well, maybe seeping...but as scared as we both were, it may as well have been gushing. I got his shoe off and ran back to the house to a towel...and grabbed my purse. I wrapped his foot in the towel and helped him hobble to the car and took him to the ER. His foot..toes mainly...were chewed up from the mower...but the doctor couldn't do anything except bandage it up and scold him for having his foot in front of the lawn mower while starting it. For the rest of his life, he's had problems with that big toe!

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 35

Into every perfect life a little rain has to fall....and it built up into a huge storm in my life. It began simply enough. The schools began having racial problems. Every day Tammy and Buddy had sad tales about racial harassment...blacks to whites.

On Martin Luther King Day...still not an official holiday...Joe called me in the afternoon. He asked if I was watching TV and if not, to turn it on. He said the schools were letting out early because of rioting....and I should call Georgie to go to the school and walk home with Tammy and Buddy. As it happened, George was there...so he left right away while I watched in horror what was happening at the high school.

George came home with Buddy...couldn't find Tammy. So, leaving him and Buddy with Joey, I went looking for Tammy. I went to the school and couldn't believe my eyes. Kids were everywhere..mostly black and they were fighting each other and yelling insults at the few white parents who were looking for their kids. One mother told me that a few minutes earlier a little white boy had ventured out the school door looking for his parents and was immediately jumped on and dragged into the street by five or six black kids. He was rescued by a couple of adults. Other white kids were stranded in the school, afraid to leave. I checked, but Tammy wasn't one of them. By now the street was full of police cars. I started to walk away and one policeman...actually a black one...escorted me past the confusion.

When I got home Tammy was there. She and her friend Andrea had left right away when the trouble started and a woman across from the school called them inside her house, sent them out her back door. They cut across back yards and alleys to Andrea's house and then to ours.

Our neighborhood was an isolated white island within the city that had turned 90 percent black.
We still felt safe enough there within reason. There were severe problems at the high school and even the junior highs. Our neighbors 15 year old was attacked in the bathroom at school and six black girls cut off her hair with razor blades.

Joe and I began making plans to send the kids to Ferndale for junior high...the following year for Tammy...and pay the tuition.

In the meantime, that spring, I had transferred my real estate license to a busy office on the northwest side of Detroit. There, too, the racial problems were growing. The office instituted a policy that no woman agent could show or list homes alone after 6. We had to work with a partner. A friend at the office, Nancy, and I teamed up. Because of Joey, I couldn't work days anyway. Nancy's kids were in school so she could cover both of our floor time. And floor time was very important...that's where we got our leads and customers.

Our partnership worked out fine. Nancy and I were listing and selling at least two houses a week. Also, I got us into the neighborhood development program and we were placing five or six families a month into homes from their slum type developments.

In the evenings, when Joe wasn't home, Georgie came over and stayed with the kids. Tammy became a little second mother to Joey...bless her heart. Most evenings I was gone from six to 9 or 10 and most of the day on Saturday. Our savings account was growing plus another account Nancy and I started towards opening our own real estate office. Both of us would be eligible to take the brokers test within a year and we had big plans to open an office in Livonia together.

Then, at the end of the school year, Joe lost his job. Lincoln Park had held a special election to raise taxes to keep their athletic department going. And they lost the election. Lincoln Park was dropping all sports the following year. Since Joe was only there a year, they said they didn't have a teaching position open for him either.

He chased jobs all summer. Whenever he heard a rumor that some school was looking for a basketball coach, he checked it out. As it happened, it was a bad time financially for a lot of schools and they were dropping faculty rather than adding.

I added onto the hours I was working that summer, since mine was the only money we had coming in. Joe took it very hard. He didn't like...couldn't stand...it that I was the bread-winner. Our marriage began to suffer. I still had all the housework, cooking, etc to do plus my job. Joe would not pick up a dish to carry it into the living room. I'd get home at 9 or 10 and the house would be a mess.

I knew I was placing too much on Tammy's little shoulders, but didn't know what else to do. Even while I was yelling at her about not cleaning up after them, I felt sick and guilty inside.

One night at work, while I was with a customer, in the middle of typing up a sale, Joe called. He said the lights had gone out. I told him the fuse box was in the basement...and a box of fuses were on top of it. Ten minutes later he called back...screaming at me. Tammy and Buddy couldn't find the fuses...and God forbid that he'd go to the basement himself! It was nearly an hour later before I got home....to a dark house, a fuming husband, and crying kids. Well, I was furious myself. I went to the basement and replaced the burnt out fuse and in no uncertain terms told Joe he was useless! That he was going to have to get off his lazy bum and help me out. I couldn't do it all by myself! For all the good it did me. From then on he just called me at work more often....Joey wouldn't stop crying...Tammy wouldn't come in the house and take care of him....Tammy and Buddy were squabbling....Tammy wouldn't wash the dishes....two of three times an evening. I had to cut back my hours to three evenings a week and try to work all my appointments...as well as Nancy's...into those hours. When it was possible, I'd make appointments earlier...like at 4 or 5...often taking the kids with me to show the house, then letting Nancy write up the paperwork. Subsequently, I had to go in more during the day to process the paperwork, obtaining financing, credit reports, etc. that Nancy had been doing for us.
I took Joey with me a lot, giving Tammy some free time to be a child, herself.

Looking back, I don't know how I did it. This was much more difficult than having an 8 to 5 job with a salary. Plus, I now had a baby that needed a lot of work and attention in addition to the other two...who were growing faster than I could keep up with. I would have cried if I'd had the time!

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 34

Life was good again. Joe had taken a job as head basketball coach at Lincoln Park High School. George moved in with Uncle George. My beloved brother, his wife and two kids lived just five minutes away. Uncle Calvin and his wife, Jan, lived nearby.



Buddy joined a little league football team coached by Joe's friend. Getting him to join took a little urging. Buddy was a home boy...not really into sports. But the promise of a new bicycle at the end of the season worked! Buddy was small for his age and took a lot of hits on the football field, had a lot of bruises and threatened to quit after every practice and game. But he hung in there...and got the promised bike. He was so proud of that bike, washing and shining it every day.



Then...Tammy rode it three blocks to an ice cream parlor on Hamilton. While she was in the store, somebody stole the bike. She came out just in time to see it being rode away and gave chase, but couldn't catch it. She came stomping into the house, madder than a red hen...but nothing compared to Buddy when she told us what happened. My timid little boy came flying off the couch and tackled Tammy, both of them tumbling to the floor while he pounded on her screaming....you lost my bike....you lost my bike. I managed to get them separated. Buddy's tears broke my heart. And Tammy's too. I had promised to get a bike...now she told Buddy he could have her bike instead.



The kids were changing and I didn't like it. Where they had always been inseparable now Tammy, especially, was pulling away, making new friends and not including Buddy. Suddenly, they could not get along and I didn't know what to do. I talked to Buddy about it and said they were just growing up. It was natural for them to branch out and get new friends. I told him girls especially needed girlfriends and at their age, they thought boys, even brothers, were nuisances. I was hurting right along with Buddy. Tammy and I had always been very close and could talk about anything. She stopped confiding in me and spent a lot of time alone in her bedroom when she wasn't with her friends or on the phone with them. I realized, just as I explained to Buddy, that she was growing up. But I still didn't like it.



Joe and I eagerly awaited the birth of our baby. We discussed names endlessly, finally deciding on Joseph Franklin...after both our fathers...if the baby was a boy. If it was a girl, she would be named Polly Jo...after my granny and Joe.



The doctor was concerned about me having time to get to the hospital when I went into labor. Both Tammy and Buddy's births had been fairly fast. I was in labor with Tammy only four hours and two hours with Buddy. The hospital I would go to was on the east side of downtown. Joe and Jimmy practiced making that run several times...at different times of the day.



My pains started early on Sunday morning. I was at the hospital shortly after 8 a.m. and Joey was into hurry to be born. He didn't arrive until the next day at five p.m. after a harrowing and painful 36 hours. During that time my labor was erratic. Pains would be very hard and intense when I was up walking. Then stop completely when I lay down. They kept me walking most of the day and night. Then about one in the morning, I began bleeding. After that I had to stay in bed, even though the pains stopped. A nun stayed with me the entire night and all the next day. She said that the doctor ordered I not be left alone.



On Monday my doctor examined me and said I was dilating satisfactorily but the baby had not moved into position. He broke my water, hoping that would hurry things alone. But, no...nothing happened. Then after noon he began an IV to hasten things. All that did was keep me in constant pain. During that time Mom came to see me. She had taken a bus up to stay with Joe and the kids while I was in the hospital. Everything was a big haze to me and I barely remember her being there.



Thankfully, after three hours of torture, the doctor stopped the IV. And all my pains stopped.

I knew something was seriously wrong, but was too tired to care. Then I overheard my doctor talking to another doctor. He said I couldn't take anymore and was in serious danger even though the baby still seemed strong...but that could change any minute. He asked where my husband was and the nurse said they had called the school and left a message for him to come to the hospital as soon as possible. Sometime later, I don't know how long, I again overheard the doctor saying to someone that he needed an operating room immediately for an emergency caesarian.



Suddenly my room was a hive of activity with several nurses, including my precious nun, doing whatever they did. Then a gurney was brought in. I was too weak to scoot from the bed to the gurney, so nurses got at my feet and my head...saying they would help if I could just scoot my bottom. Well.............In the middle....stuck in the space between the bed and gurney...I was hit with a massive bearing down pain! My doctor was in the room also. When I started grunting and told him about the pain...he screamed Halleleujah! The nurses and my num grinned and clapped. Next thing I knew they were running with me to the delivery room while yelling at me not to push....breathe...breathe...don't push!



Everything went fast after that. In the delivery room I got a shot in the spine...spinal block. But it didn't work. I ended up having a natural birth. And I bet, when the baby came out...the scream that released him was heard all over the hospital! Then came the sewing up....with no anesthetic...enough said! Fifteen minutes after the initial bearing down pain in my room, I had a beautiful, seven pound eleven ounce boy! Joey was born nearly on the dot of five p.m.

Joe finally showed up at 7:30....after basketball practice. He was thrilled, to say the least, to have a fine, beautiful, healthy baby boy. When I asked him why he had not come that afternoon when the hospital called, he said the message he got was that "everything's going good...come to the hospital when you can." so he didn't realize there had been a medical emergency.

Then Joe told me his cousin's husband...with whom we were very friendly...had died of a heart attact that afternoon. He was on his way to the bank from the bar he owned, pulled off to the side of the expressway and died. Subsequently, Joey and I had a lot of visitors the next three days as relative's on Joe's side of the family came for the funeral from all over the country...and came to the hospital to see his baby...and, in most cases, meet his wife.

Joey and I stayed in the hospital all week. I was on complete bed rest because of the effects from the anesthetic that hadn't worked. Every time I raised my head off the pillow I got a blinding headache! To this day I'm convinced that's why I have so much pain in my back.

Finally...on Saturday Joe picked us up and took us home. To a full house. Besides Mom and the kids, the welcoming party included Jim, Loretta and their two kids, Uncle Calvin and Jan, Uncle George and Georgie. Joey was sufficiently oohed and ahhed over...Uncle Calvin remarked he had the big Shepherd feet...Uncle George said he had the Wussles good looks.

Before going to the hospital I had fixed up a pretty bassinet to use downstairs...but, this had been broken while I was in the hospital...with Tammy and Buddy each blaming the other. Also, Mom said my washing machine had stopped working.

After everybody had gone home, Mom stayed with the kids while Joe and I went to Sears where we bought a portable crib and ordered a new washing machine to be delivered on Monday.

When we got back to the house, Dad was there. Mary Sue and Leo had driven him up to get mom...who was planning to stay another week until I was able to drive her home. But Dad said one week without her...actually just five days...was enough!

As it was, I had plenty of help from Tammy and Buddy when they weren't in school. Tammy more so than Buddy. Immediately, Tammy fell in love with her little brother and claimed he was her baby. Within a couple of days she was as efficient as I was changing diapers, feeding and burping. She would have slept with him had I let her! Buddy equally loved him and would hold him and even give him a bottle...but, like Joe, would have no part of changing a diaper!

Joey was not an easy baby. He cried...and cried...and cried...everytime he was laid down. He cried even when I walked the floor with him at night. The only sleep I got for six months, was with him laying on my chest...then never more than a couple hours at a time. It was one happy day when I realized he had not had a colic attack in over twelve hours! I never could get that baby to sleep in his own bed, though. He would only sleep when he was in bed with me...and later on, with Tammy.

LIFE WITH MY CHILDREN PART 33

The first weekend in Feb. we made a trip to Indiana to celebrate Mom and Dad's anniversary. On Friday night, we stayed with my brother Jim and his wife, Loretta. Saturday morning, as soon as I got out of bed I felt very sick and had to rush to the bathroom to vomit. Sitting at the table with Loretta drinking coffee, the nausea hit me again and I ran to the bathroom. Coming back to the table, I said I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me. Then, when it happened a third time, I started thinking.....and counting.

I went into the bedroom where Joe was still sleeping and jumped on top of him, waking him up rudely. And excitedly told him my period was late. Being a man, he just said sorry...and rolled over to go back to sleep. And I pushed him off the bed! I was laughing so hard I was crying...Honey, I said....my period has only been late three times in my life...and I was pregnant all three times. (When Buddy was eight months old, I had a miscarriage. I was five months along.)

Finally, it sunk into Joe....and he grabbed me and we rolled around on the floor, both of us laughing. By then, the bedroom was crowded. Jim, Loretta, Tammy and Buddy had rushed in to see what the racket was. Joe and I, talking at the same time, said...we're having a baby!

Although I knew I was pregnant, I still called the doctor on Monday and went in the same day for a pregnancy test. It took three days for the rabbit to die...but the doctor called and said the results were positive. I called Joe at the school...and by the end of the day the whole school knew he was going to be a father.

Everything went along fine. When school was out, Joe started coaching sandlot baseball. I got a job as scorekeeper. We were at the baseball field every day either for his job or mine. When they were in town, a lot of the Detroit Tigers baseball team hung out at the field. Joe had coached some of them...Willie Horton to name one....when they played sandlot ball, and he was friends with nearly all the players on the team. It was a thrill for me and the kids to get to know them. Buddy was in heaven because the guys were especially nice to him, making a point of sitting with him to watch the game.

I should mention here that the Tigers won the world series in 1968. The kids and I had actually met most of them the summer of 1968 when we'd go to Detroit on weekends to watch Joe's games..he was coaching sandlot then, too. Naturally, we were all huge Tigers fans, so when they won, we along with the entire city, celebrated. We went up to Woodward Avenue to watch the team parade by...and it was chaos. I lost sight of the kids in the crowd and panicked when I couldn't find them. After looking for them for over an hour, I went home...and they were there! Little monsters!

Then in July, I began having cramps. The doctor told me to go to bed and stay there. After two weeks, the doctor said I had an infection in my uturus and was in dire danger of losing the baby as well as my life. And said I was only to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Another two weeks went by with no improvement. In tears, I called George's Kuma Eva...the one who had put on our wedding reception...and she said to hang up, she was going to find another doctor for me. And she did. She made an appointment for me with an OB/GYN in downtown Detroit for the very next day.

Joe took the day off and went to the doctor with me. He, the doctor, was amazing. He put me on a couple antibiotics, made another appointment for the following week and sent me home to bed again. The next week, he told me I didn't have to stay in bed all the time, now..but to sit around and let people wait on me. Two weeks later, he said I was home free. No infection. Normal, healthy pregnancy! All I could do was sit there and cry. Joe's eyes were suspiciously damp,too. There were not two happier people in Detroit that day. We stopped on the way home and bought bags of hamburgers from our favorite restaurant...The Red Barn....and went home to celebrate with our family.

By then, Joe's brother, George, was home from Vietnam and living with us. Jim and Loretta had moved just a few blocks away. Uncle George lived nearby. When we got home, I called them all...even Kuma Eva...and we had a party!